Speaking out to my family

TRIGGER WARNING: childhood SA

My earliest memory from my childhood was when my half brother sexually assaulted me. I honestly can’t remember at the time how old I was, but I knew he was atleast in middleschool. After the incident I was told by him to never say anything. Ofcourse, I was scarred of what he might do. Later in my childhood, around late elementary school, I would be tramautized even more when my brother tried suffocating me with a pillow while my parents were away. Looking back at this I knew my brother was a deviant. It was not his first time doing something this extreme. By the time he went to college my parents divorced. I stayed with my dad mostly because I was closer with him than my mom. Once I left and started my adult life I had a mental breakdown and told my dad what happened. (My brother is not biologically from my dad). My mental health got worse and I was admitted to a behavioral healthER to be watched for 24 hrs At 19 I was finally diagnosed with PTSD and depression. Couple of years later I became pregnant and had my son. I have PPD, but it fluctuates. Through out my time as an adult I had disconnected with my brother and his inlaws. My mother kept bringing up how much my nephews miss me and still does. As much as it puts a dagger through my heart to hear it I can’t see that monster anymore. I’ve repressed this for a unhealthy amount of time and it’s time for me to finally tell my mom, who is the biological parent of my brother. She may feel however she feels when I tell her but if it means I can be free I can live with more peace and forgiveness. I do not want to be this hateful person anymore. If you have been in a similar situation remember you are not disgusting, worthless, naive, or stupid. Your demons will try to drown you, but you can still fight to swim in the current.