Struggles and Forgetting (Trigger Warning: CSA)
I struggle so much with fear and guilt. From ages 10 to 11 I was sexually assaulted in my bed by a person who I knew very well and trusted. I remember a lot of how it feels, but at the same time there are certain things I can't remember at all. The one that bothers me the most though, is the one night I have no memory of. I woke up, and I had no panties on anymore. Usually he'd just grind against me, or touch me on top of them, but that night I woke up and noticed. I remember being horrified and going to my connected bathroom to cry at around 2 in the morning. I wish I knew what happened that night, so I could at least know if I was just SA-Ed or really r*ped.
@RomanticRS
I am sorry you still struggle with so much fear and guilt.
You are safe now.
You are not guilty of anything.
I understand your need to know exactly what happened that night.
You could assume the scenario you fear the most for that night, and take it as the truth for the purpose of your healing. Because it's the fear of it that hurts you so much, and most certainly you will never know the truth.
In any case, you were abused for so long, at such an early age, leaving so deep wounds, that you should seriously take care of yourself in any case.
Take good care of yourself.
I wish you all the best,
Marcelo.
