Struggling for years with trauma; relationships impacted

I feel utterly helpless.

I am struggling a lot with the impact grooming has had on me. I was groomed as a minor by more than one person, and manipulated into sexual activity and being used sexually. I didnt realize what had happened to me for some years, but when I did in October 2020, it really overwhelmed me— I kinda shut down from the pain of it all and stuffed it away. It wasn't until I began counseling in late 2021 that I began to begin processing it.

Only processing it hasn't been easy. It is constantly in the back of my mind. I am always being taken back there and I am so afraid of becoming like the people that hurt me. In particular, I struggle with touch and intimacy.

My partner (online, long distance) has become very touchy Feely in their love language, which is quite okay; but I feel as if they've begun to push my boundaries. The ways in which they request to be intimate are similar to the ways in which I was groomed, and I have expressed as much before. It feels as if they've been pushing my boundaries or wanting me to change them for some time now. It is nothing graphic - and tbey affirm that they don't want my boundaries to change for them - but at the same time, I do feel pressure, with them wishing they could do these things with me. They know my discomfort with this.

Lately I've been spiraling a lot as a result of my mental health struggles and I broke up with them last night. They are very broken hearted, as am I, but it was hard for me to truly feel safe— it feels hard for me to truly feel safe in general now. I am really depressed about it, and I'm ashamed that my trauma is impacting me like this all these years later. I am trying to do the hard work of healing and remember it is okay to enforce my own boundaries, but I have no idea what to do.

Does anyone have any advice?