TW what a way to end the week
On Friday, suddenly started feeling unwell, heart palpitations, weird pulse rate, dizzy and nauseous. Fast forward two hours, fainting repeatedly, paramedics, diagnosis of heart arrhythmia caused by stress. Now wondering what to do regarding return to work. Worried that this was really the wake up call that I'm not coping well at all right now and my body's trying it's hardest to make that clear. But equally worried that if I take time off I don't know when I'd return. Being signed off for reasons of MH is not something I can take lightly. I work in a school, so I'm also aware my boss will be wondering how reliable I am, how much I can be trusted in my position (I'm an Assistant Headteacher) and whether to refer me to occupational health and all the bollocks that comes from that! Grrr... What to do?! At the very least I've been bumped up the list to be seen by local MH team, who originally said no chance of appointment before July. Took me having CPR to get through to them that I'm not ok, but at least they know now. But work? Even my wife (who normally pushes me in when I'm dithering) is asking me whether I should take some time off.
@Grits1910 I send you all my support during these difficult times. I am sure it's a difficult decision to make, but I hope whatever your choice is may it be the best for your health and your happiness. I have had times when my trauma and trying to cope with it has been difficult to even concentrate on my work, and I just force myself to work and get my day done ignoring my own struggle as much as I can. Eventually, it's worse for me, I just keep adding more and more stress. I feel you and I hope everything gets better.
Grits, I'm so sorry your stress seems to be manifesting physically. I had similar experience -my CPTSD just took me over and I broke down at the job , I also worked at a school. Due to my inability to go back I had to find another avenue as I just wasn't well enough to be there. I felt humiliated, the gossips enjoying my fall so to speak. I can't even drive past the place. I worked there for a couple decades. The biggest thing that pushed me over was the bully on our team she just knew something was going on with me , she could see my vulnerability and she just took that bullying to a new level. I had to leave to save my sanity. I tried for 2 years prior to hold it together thru professional help. I feel your pain , I hope my story helps you. I'm on long term disability as of the moment and trying hard to be well. At least they bumped you up on the list for MH care so you don't have to wait til July. Our MH is so important and I really saw that when my physical body started to suffer. Praying for you my friend, ABB
