The Fine Line
Confused teenagers with crazy hormones, struggling to grasp the complexity of a physical relationship. At least, that was how I was. He was a year older, and seemed a lot less confused. He knew what he wanted. Me. For the rest of our lives. And my body. Because he found it beautiful.
"Stop." I said. Third base was a total no-no. In the heat of the moment, he didn't want to. He ignored me. "Stop." I said again. "Just relax." It went on. Me asking him to stop. Him, not stopping. I was too scared to push him off. Not like that would have stopped him either.
I broke up, and even after suffering for depression for two years, what he did made me feel more disgusted than anything else. I chopped off my long hair, because he found it beautiful. It made me feel more disgusted.
He still knows what he wants. Me. My body.
Was this sexual assault?
In my country, this is the definition of sexual assault:
a person (A)
1. intentionally touches another person (B),
2. the touching is sexual,
3. B does not consent to the touching, and
4. A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
From what you've said here, it seems like you didn't consent, he was aware of this and carried on anyway. That counts for sexual assault.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this. You don't deserve to have been treated in such an awful way. It seems like this experience has really affected your life in general. I can't say I understand exactly how you're feeling because emotions and experiences are individual but I can definitely empathize. I want you to know you can get through this.
Feelings like disgust, guilt and doubt are normal after an assault but it doesn't make them true. HE did this, not you. Its HIS fault, not yours. Overcoming an experience like this can take time and it has it's highs and lows but it's very possible.
I'm always here if you need a chat
Thanks Chrissy. It's just that it's been so difficult. My friends have laughed at me and told me that I'm lying about this for attention, and that I have no self- respect or dignity, and now I don't even know how to deal with this entire episode.
@Pizzalover007 (sorry,forgot forum notifications were off)
Thats a huge worry when opening up about such personal stuff, that someone won't believe you. The culture of victim blaming is so disgusting and completely wrong. It seems like your friends aren't being very supportive of you at this time, i'm sorry to hear you have to experience this with that added on. Do you have anyone else you can reach out to for support? Having someone there, even if just on 7cups, can do a world of good.
I have my doctor. He believes me.