The man who raped me isn’t a bad man
Content Warning : Sexual Assault
The man who raped me is a beloved son. A good friend. An upstanding member of the community. He’s intelligent, kind, and funny. I know this because the man who raped me was my close friend. My best friend of tens years boyfriend. We’ve gone to concerts together. Ate dinner together. Discussed and agreed on politics, world views, and music. The man who raped me has always been kind and respectful to me and everyone around him. Until he wasn’t. Until he got too drunk. Until I was asleep in his home. Until I woke up to him on top of me. Paralyzed. Terrified. Confused. Unable to scream or fight or cry. Until I confronted him the next morning. Until he told me he didn’t know what I was talking about. Until he begged me not to tell his girlfriend, my best friend. Until I told my best friend. Until my best friend told me if something happened I must have wanted it. In the hours after my rape I told my mom and a close friend. I was advised to report. I chose not to. I didn’t want to ruin his life. I didn’t want the stress. I didn’t want everyone to know. I felt guilt. I felt shame. Mostly, I felt more dirty than I can articulate. I felt dirty from the inside out. I cut myself off. Word got out. Friends picked sides. And years have passed. And now they’re getting married. And it’s eating my alive. Maybe I never fully dealt with it. But three years later and it all feels like it just happened last night. I don’t know where to go from here or how to feel or how to cope. Do I cope? Do I let it go? Do I cry it out? My entire life changed in one day. I went to sleep and woke up a different person. How do you get over being raped and not believed?
@Love0331.....I understand completely. I'm so sorry you had to endure this awful act of violence. Your strong and reaching out here for help..( btw it's not your fault ) ...I too know my attacker .... upstanding, professional, a husband, father, educated, well respected in this community. I trusted , I was stupid, I didn't tell. I didn't want to bring my trauma and shame onto my family. I didn't want them to become victims in the gossip mill. I didn't want to embarrass them. I know he will be listened to first, I will not be believed. Its my word against his. No proof . Victims are not respected or given the protection they need from being revictimized by the public opinion gossipy mill. So we suffer in silence and try to get on with our life, try to pretend everything is great. My life changed 3 years ago too. I see a therapist to try to cope. He's still out there doing whatever without one ounce of guilt or payment. I almost didn't survive it.... You know your truth, you deserved better. A professional therapist may be able to help you, don't wait, this about you and your healing. You deserve the best life.!!! 💜ABB
