Then and now
Its been two years since I was sexually assaulted. I have a boyfriend who I love and adore; however he can not get over my past which has been ruining my relationship. I didn't handle being abused in a good way but I was completely alone. I was numb and didn't push myself to seek help. I have myself willingly to other guys just so I could say "I'm in control of my life and I choose who I give consent too". I want to move past it all but everyone always judges me and now the person I love can't help but think I willingly gave myself to people with no feelings for them and I'll do it again. The person who sexual assaulted me seems to be controlling my life even now that I've moved away and tried forgiving them. I just want to not feel trapped. I want to be happy
@Kjoseph
Kjo, how you responded to your trauma is a common reaction to what happened. Trust takes time to build, and it's possible he has his own insecurities and valid fears from past experiences-- but, what happened to you and how it impacted you, doesn't make you untrustworthy now. Empathizing with his fears and giving him reassurance ought to help you navigate during this time, even if it doesn't seem to be helping immediately, or consistently. We all have fears going into relationships-- and all we can do as the partner receiving concern is support them and remain open in communication. But it's a balance-- because, hopefully, he can also share the same emotional support to you.
We are absolutely brilliant-- even when our trauma wounds open again-- even when we feel lost and hopeless-- there is still so much possibility for us to overcome it all again and live our greatest, most vibrant lives.
We aren't ever alone. x
This sounds exactly like my story. I wish I knew how to help, but I just want to let you know I empathize with you.
