Tired of waiting
It's beginning to hit me just how lonely I feel, tired of waiting for something to come along and help me jump back onto the 'train tracks' of what approximates for normality. I'm really worried that I don't have the support around me to help me resist the urge to walk away from it all, to go to sleep and not wake up again. I'm lucky enough to be surrounded by my family, those who care for me, but I just can't take them with me into the darkness I feel inside, I can't share with them what I really feel, what I really think for worry that they'll become tainted by it, like I am. And yet I want to get it out, to talk of things best forgotten, to help me move forward out of this seemingly endless pit of depression...I just don't know if I have the strength to wait until I'm the other side of this mountain, the strength to take the time necessary to process what's going on in my head. I feel like I'm breaking up slowly inside, like I can't function properly. Things that once upon a time I enjoyed now seen far away from me, inaccessible in a way. I want to find the way out, the way forward, but can't yet see the steps, the ladder out of this pit I find myself in.
Gritty. I cannot start to even put myself in your place, but I've felt this, the loneliness, fatigue etc. But you really need to hang in there friend. Our environment can really be unsupportive sometimes, maybe everytime, but you gotta prove it to yourself that you were chosen by the universe to walk the earth for something better. families sometimes don't realize what you go through, everyone is so caught up in their lives, you need to take care of yourself. You can always talk to me about your problems, your thoughts, anything. Sometimes venting helps. I cannot say just move on, it's difficult, I understand. But slowly, surely, slow baby steps help. You have all the strength in the world in you, just need sometime and healing to acknowledge all that you have in you. You must feel so trapped right now. It's alright. You're human to feel all of it. I don't want to force this but you need to talk. Talk it out with anyone here. It's not going to be easy. But I believe in you. All the best. All love❤️