Trigger bomb? I think yes! (Intimacy post abuse)

So as a child I was molested, sexually abused and then raped.. As a teenager I never recalled what had happened (repressed) until about the age of 16 years when It just came pouring out. I think what made me realize I was sexually abused by not one but multiple people was when I read a story of out chicken soup book where a young girl's nanny molested her in the bathroom of her own house! That's when it hit me that I had been abused sexually and used and thrown. Some people had monsters under their beds I had mine everywehre I went all the time, trying to touch me and get inside me and make me feel pleasure that led to the guilt i face even today!

But years have gone by since the incident and I am truly blessed to have found a great therapist who works with me even on the hard and icky topics like Sex after abuse and how to learn to love myself. Apart from therapy I also do a lot of reading and research for one day I hope to open a centre for Sexual assault victim care in my own country! :)

Sexual assault/abuse is not only terrible, it is liek someone has taken a piece of you that you can't get back. They didn't just take my virginity, they stole my ability to be intimate something I've found out rather recently while I've been attempting to be intimate with many different boys are different times. I think sex is horrible and terrifying even though I know it shouldn't be. It's hard to understand exactly why or how it can be so horrible... That's when I learned about triggers and keeping that in mind along with the immense frustration i feel at times, I'd like to share this blip from an article I found of some common triggers and reasons for frustration post abuse intimacy! Hope it helps you, I know it does, me!

Some common reactions you may find your mate (the abused) displaying while trying to sort out their physical and emotional boundaries are:

Fear, especially fear of pain, darkness, or suffocation

Need to stop foreplay or intercourse for no "apparent" reason

Nausea or vomiting before, during, or after sexual activity

Cramping or other unexplained pain

Being triggered- often displayed by hand gestures, sudden silence, frightened facial expressions, or refusal to look at you

Overzealous attitude or display of arousal that often appears unreal

Crying or other emotional outbursts before, during, or after sexual activity

Inability to tolerate sensation of any kind

Dissociating, going out of the body or away from the present time's activities

Questioning their sanity, senses, feelings, instincts, or emotions

May want to shower or bathe often, especially after sexual activity

Feeling trapped or bound for no obvious reason

Panic attacks at sudden triggers may occur

Nightmares, unexplained waking in the night

Being startled easily by the sudden sound or apearance of another

Suddenly recurring behavior you suspect is associated with the trauma

Inability to determine the difference between sexual and non-sexual touching

Inability to be comfortable with their body as a part of their humanity

Inability to handle certain positions or postures without panicking

Being unable to or refusing to take joy or pleasure in the experience

Being ashamed or feeling indecent or dirty for participating

Being confused about what is pleasant and what is painful

To read the whole article click the link below! https://bluegypsy.tripod.com/physical.html