Triggers you can't run from (TW)
I'm so upset. I cannot stop crying...I was assaulted during a medical injury I had been dealing with a couple years ago. Now I have this same injury again in a different spot and it's really a huge trigger. So every waking minute I have pain and this pain is a trigger and no cure for it. Seriously will I ever get past this, just when I think Im making some small bit of progress the proverbial rug is yanked out from under me and I'm back to the horrors I dealt with. I feel like I'm a horrible undeserving person who is being sent a message and not a good one . Maybe I was a real a**h*Le in a previous life and this is my payment. Idk but this just makes me give up. I can't sleep. I have to wait to see a Dr about my condition and it's getting worse by the day. ( I don't have trust or faith in Dr.s).... I'm in so much pain physically and mentally. I think my CPTSD is permanent. I just don't have much hope for my future. So sorry I'm such a downer but I have no one to talk to and I have to tell someone or I'm going to explode. Ppl are horrible and can't be trusted including medical ppl from my experience. I'm just suffering and I try so hard to do things right. Eat right , excercise regular , go to therapist weekly etc. I feel like I'm in the ocean treading water and I'm surrounded by sharks ...without a life jacket. ABB
I am so sorry for your challenges and what you have been put through. Meditation has helped me with a variety of different things and I have seen some for pain. Basically search meditation and any subject in google to try something. You may get a few things here and there that are it good but just keep looking until you find something helpful.
@amiableBlackberry92 Hi I have seen your kind words to many others around here and think that you are a wonderful,deserving person! I am sorry to hear about your assault by a medical professional (I was too), I think that medical professionals who do this are criminals who prey on people at their most vunerable moment, It's no reflection on their victims. I know that it is easier to say this than to believe it. i hope that your doctors visit goes okay. That must be so hard for you to have a medical problem and to be triggered by it. Let us know how you are doing.
@amiableBlackberry92 I'm sorry if I misunderstood. You said during an injury but didn't state by a medical professional. What I said would apply to whoever did it. 
Thx to you all for the incredibly supportive words. I am going thru alot and my heart is so happy to know I have support I can count on here at 7 cups. My emotional rollercoaster is all over the place ...I'm open to any suggestions !! and hugs are accepted and appreciated.💜ABB(fyi/ it was a medical pro)
@amiableBlackberry92 Sending lots of vitual hugs!
Thx @adventurousBranch3786 ...your hugs are accepted and wonderful. I had a horrible nightmare last night. It was related to a couple of my recent traumas with a mix of my childhood abusers. Ugh I know it's this triggering physical ailment that's giving me that dream because I haven't had any dreams in awhile. More challenges to get thru. Yay( sarcasm)....I'm forcing chores to keep me busy and I'll pick up some cleaning stuff. Sometimes just being busy helps. My pain is a 6 today physically but I use a Tens unit to help with that. I'm not on any pain meds. I can't take Advil type products. I'm plowing forward best I can today. I hope you are holding up ! Thx for being such a good supporter here 💜 ABB
@amiableblackberry92 To remind yourself that despite feeling like you're in deep water under threat from the sharks, you're still able to give and share such warmth and empathy with all of us on 7 cups - it is a sign of such strength and resilience that you can reach out and support so many of us. Yes, you'll be yanked back to the trauma you suffered, and that is truly horrible I'm sure, but please do not think that this is life's way of punishing you for any supposed misdemeanours committed previously or in a previous life - you are inherently a good person with so much good inside of you. Have faith that you will eventually find medical professionals who can support you properly on your journey, and although this may take many attempts to give the right person, keep remembering that you have the right to reach out for this help and openly state that you're not ok and you need support. Accepting the power of your vulnerability is a really important thing to do. No situation, no emotion, feeling or sensation is permanent, although it may feel that way. Your body, mind and soul is strong, resilient and capable, and despite you suffering in a big way right now, each step forward you take, each inch you climb up the climbing wall of life will be a step closer to a place where you will feel more able to cope with your past, and the huge impact it has had, and continues to have on you. Just by reaching out right now, you have climbed one step upwards, so keep reaching, keep sharing, and keep remembering what a wonderful person you are. If anyone (including you!) should ever doubt that, they'll have me to answer to!! *Hugs* 🤗 Grits
@Grits1910 ....Grits thank you for your encouragement. I'm going to try harder to get a handle on this medical problem. It's very painful and I went to see a trusted Dr and she helped and understands what I'm dealing with physically and mentally. She gave me a few tools that should help a bit. I'm going to see another Dr she recommended for more treatment in 2 weeks. I get so worked up emotionally especially at night when I'm tired from fighting my conditions all day, i lose hope and that's when I reach out here on 7 cups for support. I seriously have never struggled so much as I have in the last 3 years, all of it past and present has just really caught up with me. Thank you for your good hearted hugs! ABB💜
Grits hero..🤗🤗 hugs
(TW) ....So it's late now and I'm crying again. All I can think about is how much I suffered physically and mentally from my painful affliction and the assault abuse I took . I keep seeing my perps face... There's no cure for this medical problem I just have to suffer for a really long time with it. So my triggers are every day because of the pain it causes. The chances of having this twice is low but I guess I have to be that statistic. I have never felt so powerless and my perp is out in the community living his life and no consequences. I however am continuing to suffer in more ways that I never thought of. I have been working so hard to heal my old childhood and recent traumas. Feels like I just took 10 steps backwards. I've been praying and trying and being so good, eating right, excercising, therapy, no alcohol etc. When you try sooo hard and things turn worse it's so disheartening. I deserve better. I'm not a bad person. I'm sorry I'm so down but I am being honest and getting this out so I can maybe sleep. Horrible dream last night ... another one ugh. I thought I was done with the nightmares.....ABB💜
@amiableblackberry92 You are in my thoughts and prayers - no one should have to suffer as much as you are right now, and I can only being to imagine how difficult it is right now. However, try to remind yourself that your power comes through in reaching out for help, in sharing how you feel, in stubbornly living on and getting up each day. You have huge inner strength but these feelings, emotions and memories are doing a really good job of hiding that from you right now. You don't have to be a statistic, and you're not! You are a wonderful person who has so much to give, and someone who has been so supportive to me and others here on 7Cups. This is an example of how resilient and capable you are, and how you have used your experience for good. Please never apologise for feeling down - it's simply not a question of fault, and no one can or will blame you for feeling a certain way. Hoping today's going to be a little better than yesterday for you. Loads of hugs 🤗 Grits
@Grits1910.... thx Grits I need prayers. I did sleep some but the dreams are so disruptive. Soon I won't sleep much at all as the pain will make it impossible like it did before. Today I want to see my son -I will make my way to his place at some point , he gives me great joy . My family doesn't know about my trauma. He is intuitive and knows I suffer in some way but he will never pressure me( it's why I love him so very much) only just be himself, kind, caring, and just be there . I am lucky I have him. I am lucky I have you and 7 cups. I am going to have a good day, I am. ABB💜