Want to Be a Supportive Boyfriend for My Traumatized Crush
Hi, I’m 14 and I’m dating my crush, J. She’s been through some really hard stuff, including trauma and sexual experiences that weren’t her choice. Her parents won’t let her go to therapy, so she doesn’t have professional support.
I want to be a good boyfriend: respect her boundaries, listen without trying to “fix” everything, manage my ADHD impulses so I don’t act impulsively, and grow in the relationship without obsessing over whether she notices my glow-up.
I’m looking for advice on how to support her in a healthy way while also managing my own feelings and impulses.
@ambitiousIdea706
Wow,
Such a kind and caring person you are.
So honest and respectful
You are both so young.
Crushes are so much fun, and exciting.
We are human and we all have impulses but it's about not rushing into anything.
Both of you have plenty of time for that.
Your gf has been through so much.
It's going to be difficult for her, but she can and will heal, with time, patience and effort and just always keep talking, and having each others backs.
You are a good bf already 💜💕
@Amanda84 thank you sm but how do i help her out
@ambitiousIdea706
By letting her know she can speak honestly to you.
You listen.
You give her a hug when she needs one.
Show her kindness.
Don't pressure her.
Let her go at her own pace.
Prove she can trust you 💜
@ambitiousIdea706
In cases like this, I think the key is not taking anything for granted. Make sure to ask her questions on how she feels about different things, particularly physical contact, if the trauma she went through has to do with that. Even the smallest thing can be problematic for reasons that are not always easy to explain, so make sure to ask, listen and always keep in mind what she told you.
Don't pressure her into opening up, although you probably want to get to know her better, including the hardest parts of her life. Let her know you're there for her, whatever she wants to talk about and whenever she wants to. But it has to be her decision. When she tells you something, for example "I'm not comfortable with this", accept her words even if you don't understand her reasons and don't pressure her to explain. What truly matters is that she knows you'll be there to listen once she's ready.
Thanks you
Anything else