Was I r*ped?
For a few years i have been constantly been having dreams where i am suddenly raped. Ive also had major fear of intimacy with men. I get super afraid that they will be too rough or force things i dont want. When the guy i like stares at me very passionately i start to panic and get overwhelmed by fear that he might push on a wall and force himself on me even though i know he would never do that. My mom mentioned yesterday possibly having me examined by a doctor to see if something physical did happen down there because i dont remember. But i do know that there is something that happened to me in the last few years that i dont remember but im not sure what it was.
Idk how to feel and i feel really alone about it and i really just want to know what happened to me.
@babydrivervolkswagen
driver, I can imagine that the dream was extremely discomforting and uncomfortable for you to experience. I can also observe from your post that these dreams have impacted how you view interactions and specifically, sexual interactions with men-as a part of you is always exploring the possibility of your boundaries being crossed
I want to let you know that being wary of/considering the possibility of your boundaries being crossed-though it conflicts with your image and faith in the guy whom you like, is valid and does not make you any less human.
I hope that-if you do choose to visit the doctor, the check-up can reveal more insight and help you understand yourself a little better.
I also appreciate that it must be hard on you to try and make sense of what you're feeling and why you are feeling it-and I want to let you know that you aren't entirely alone- Those of us reading (and your mum? I understand she took your thoughts seriously-she sounds quite supportive!
) are here on this journey. Of course, we cannot tell you the cause for what you are experiencing-but we are here, to listen to you attentively, and this space in itself-is safe and anonymous.
*offers warm hugs*
@bouncySalamander26 thank you so much. That was the comfort i needed.
@babydrivervolkswagen
Of course, driver I'm glad that you found comfort in what I had written~
(On a side note, how would you prefer that I refer to you?)
@bouncySalamander26 my pronouns are she/her and u can just call me V
@babydrivervolkswagen
I will keep that in mind-Thank you, V!