Was it sexual abuse or am I crazy?

When I was 8 years old I was lively, happy and playful. I trusted the adults around me and loved playing around and hanging out with my cousins and aunts and uncles. My mother and older brother and younger brother and I would go to my grandparents house nearly everyday. My older brother was only 10 and my little one was only 4.

I have two uncles one I’ll call (H) and the other I’ll call (F) my uncle F is the youngest out of the 4 siblings. My mother being the eldest and Uncle F being the youngest. Uncle F was my father figure growing up, he took care of me, played with me, showed me movies and shows and introduced me to pop culture. my uncle H had a daughter named J she and I were very close as well.

all that aside my Uncle F was a alcoholic and his addiction got much worse when I was 7. He was an angry guy, smashing bottles, fighting and screaming constantly. Sometimes he’d hit and push me and never apologize. He’d yell at me constantly and yelled at my brothers too.

things started to get worse, he went to jail multiple times for a few weeks, started getting into fights and so much more. I was around to see all of it. That’s when he started doing things pretty bad to me.

like I said he battled addiction and depression for years but he decided to take all that shit out on 8 year old me. He would show sexual content on the tv without my consent, read me stories about sex. Show me his sex toys, touch and hit me in inappropriate places like spanking for instance. He would hit me with glass sometimes.

he would take me to his room alone and touch me in places or show me stuff I wouldn’t wanna see on the tv, graphic sexual violence. I was too young to know what sex was. So I just assumed sex was a general rape. I didn’t even know that couples had sex for love or for children. I never knew.

i remember this one instance I was out to eat dinner with my uncle F and Uncle H and his wife and my cousin J. My mother nor father weren’t there. He pulled me aside on the table and started showing me sexual content on his phone. Every cousin on that table left, all the kids were taken out from pure disgust from the parents. I wasn’t helped. I was abandoned to stay there with him.

eventually my mother found out. She took me out of that house and out of his sight alongside my brothers. Although things do not stop there. After many suicide attempts by him and my grandmother we eventually had to go back and check on them at some point.