Was this sexual assault?
Hi genuinely don’t know if this is sexual assault or something less than that and I need help bc I’ve never undergone something like this before
I was at a new Indian tailor with my mom the other day getting fitted for an outfit for my cousins wedding. This guy came recommended from a family friend about a year ago. He has taken my moms measurements and tailored her outfit once perfectly nicely. Typically his wife is there when we are though. This time it was the first time I’m getting measured and his wife had left to go drop off food at a friends house. While taking my measurements this old man first feels on my shirt around my chest area- like the sides( not directly on anything). Then all of a sudden he lifts my shirt over my stomach which my mom said sometimes happens. But then he went a step further and lifted it over my bra and kept it there to “measure” and my mom was in shock as was I. I said in my second language to my mom what the hell is he doing and she didn’t know what to do either. Then he repeatedly kept having me lift my shirt/ prolong my measurements of the blouse specifically in that area. Afterwards my mom said maybe he does that bc I was wearing a wired bra and he needed to know for accuracy but she also said never had she seen a tailor do that and that he clearly took liberties bc his wife left. I called the friend who recommended him a year ago and she said that she actually stopped using him bc he made her and several others very uncomfortable, so it wasn’t just me- but when I explained that he lifted my shirt over my bra and etc, she said he’s never done that before. In about two weeks I have to go back to this guy to try on the outfits and my mom says we’ll take my dad with us this time, but won’t tell him why and what happened bc he’d get mad.
genuinely asking does this fall under sexual assault? Is it harrasment? I don’t want to accuse the man bc he is a tailor and I legit don’t know if this is normal or not. But at the same time if this under that definition, I’d either report him or inform anyone we know not to go to him. I’m scared. I just don’t know what to think..
@Wavescurrent7622 Hi there! From the sounds of it, you experienced Sexual Harassment. Sexual Harassment is when unwelcome and/or inappropriate sexual remarks or physical advances are made. Definitely make sure your parents are informed that you do not feel comfortable returning to that place. Remember to never feel discouraged to reach out to someone when you are in need. If you need any further support, there are many listeners that would be more than happy to speak with you!
- Andrew
If he was going to raise your shirt, even to see your stomach, he should tell you and then ask if it’s okay. Any time you touch another persons body, you need to narrate what you’re doing before hand and ask permission for any new kind of touching.
Otherwise, it is harassment as the guy above me said. Definitely recommend others don’t go there. May be difficult to prosecute, but you can certainly avoid there yourself and tell others.
If anyone is touching you inappropriately, & you feel uncomfortable it is clearly a sexual assault...
while he was measuring waist he could have done so without lifting your shirt too.. i m a man and when my tailor takes my measurements i am never asked to take my shirt off.. the person takes the measurements including the shirt then later asks me if i am wearing anything beneath the shirt too..(like in winters we wear extra innerwears) analysing which.. he would approximate my waist size..
I feel really sorry for what you have experienced.. i m an indian too.. I know how much you girls often suppress even if you feel uncomfortable by such incidents as it happens unexpectedly and by the time you realise it you don't want to create a scene. since it's been 2weeks now reporting him may not yield much.. he would easily get away.. now instead of telling other girls you know ,to not go to him.. ask em to go to him.. & catch him on the spot and call him out for this.. Don't let this thing brush under the carpet..
It's been a terrible thing for you so i would suggest you to not go to him again for measurements..
When you raise a voice for yourself, people will raise their voices for you too.
I hope you recover from the horrible experience soon.
All the best❤️
One Amongst You!