Will I ever take control back?
I was sexually abused throughout my entire childhood by my mothers husband. Although I have been out of the situation for about 13 years it still has a hold on me. He is in jail. I should feel safe? I should feel secure? I don’t. It is affecting my life and my marriage. I am paranoid and any little sound I can’t sleep. I can’t trust anyone and it sucks. My husband and I have been married 5 years and I constantly feel like he is being unfaithful even though I know he’s not. I just want control of my life. I can’t say back because I don’t think I ever had it…. The abuse started when I was 3/4. I don’t remember what it is like to be normal…. Undamaged?
I also don’t know what it feels like to be undamaged. I understand why you may not feel secure even though he is in jail. Sometimes we are not given the justice we deserve. I am currently working on trying to break down my walls and intrusive thoughts as well. I heard somebody say to try not to base every future situation and outcome on what happened in the past. It could be different. I feel wrong commenting this to you because I have a lot of distrust and pent up resentment toward men, and I can’t see them as loyal, truthful, and delicate people. I’m manifesting a relationship with somebody who is all of those things. I’m sure you have that already. Happy healing to you, i hope this either helped or at least made you feel valid and a little less alone.
