finally sharing my story *warning: potentially triggering story*
I am a 20 year old female. I am really shy so I never went to parties much until about a year ago when a new friend began to invite me to his house for get-togethers. One night we ended up going to a few different parties and ended up at the house of this one guy I had met before. We had gone on a few dates in the past but I didnt know him too well. We talked a bunch and eventually we went to his room, which was a terrible idea.
I told him I had never had sex before and that I didnt want to. I was okay with just kissing or whatever but I did not want to lose my virginity to him. He told me stuff like its not scary and all this. I told him I still did want to have sex. He began kissing me and then he got on top of me. I tried to push him off but being 5 foot 4 and 100 pounds didnt really give me an advantage. He began touching me and kissing me harder and taking my clothes off and I told him to please stop but he still wouldnt. But then he did it. He raped me and it was so painful I was crying. I thought it would never end. I remember staring at his ceiling fan for what felt like an eternity. Afterwards he said I hope this means you want to see me again. I got my clothes on and ran out and drove home. At first what happened just didnt really even register with me. I said to myself I just lost my virginity but it didnt really hit me that I was raped. And it didnt until a month later. I was even scared I was pregnant afterwards because I missed my period but it ended up just being due to stress and poor diet.
He even texted me later on but I broke off communication with him. I am doing a bit better with it now but it still hurts, which is why I am here writing this post. I have never really told anyone the whole story and it feels good to get it off my chest. I told my best friend and she wanted to help but she just really didnt know how. What hurt me most was getting the courage to tell my mother and she told me I "shouldnt have been so easy. It broke my heart to hear my own mother dismiss the fact that I was raped. But I am determined to move on and be a stronger, more compassionate person, nonetheless. Thank you for listening. <3
You are SO brave for writing this. And I don't even know you, but I'm so so proud of you.
Firstly I want to apologise for how horrendous your mother has treated you. And that is something she will regret for the rest of her life. Secondly, I'm wondering if you have reported thi to the authorises. I personally this that a*****e should get what he deserves, but if you aren't comfortable yet, that's ok. I do however think you will need some emotional help getting past this experience, as left untreated, could cause you trust problems in the future, and may cause problems with future boyfriends/girlfriends. Finally I think if you're still in pain, I would consider seeing a doctor, to make sure you're all ok. I'm sure you are, but there's always a chance of STIs as well.
But I just want to say, I think you're so amazing to come on here, and you'll hopefully be overwhelmed with how much support you will get on here, and the friends you will have. Keep your chin up. You've done astoundingly well so far, and I can tell although you're only young, you're going to be such a strong woman. X
Hey there! thank you for sharing your story with us. Sorry to hear about what happened to you. I just want you to know this: the hype around your 'first time' is not that big really. Just make sure that you talk to the right people always. that is all! ^_^
I suggest you check out www.rainn.org as well!
I cant undo what has happened but: I can say that you are a very nice and brave person. I like to hope that you can and will move forward from this, stronger than ever before. consider this your crucible. :)
there is not other way. You can and will come out stronger of this