how to talk about it?

@CindyGrace17

Hi.

This is just a thought and I dont know if it will help you or not, but you could question them back and i know that some people have found this approach useful, what is it about the past that is important to you?

If you want to discuss this further please feel free to message me.

Take Crae
paul

@CindyGrace17

This is a completely personal choice for you. You know you best, you know what you need and want from a relationship. Disclosure to new people can be scary. Since I don't know the details, no opinions of mine will be super helpful probably.

I've been in relationships in which I didn't tell about my past and I have to admit, the more you try to ignore something, the bigger it feels until it takes over in some way. It also causes you to get more and more scared of eventually telling. It's kind of like a phobia. Fear of anything that brings up the topic multiplies the fear itself. In contrast to relationships in which I've told.... for me personally, it has always been better when I've told my partner. This does not mean I speak for everyone in this!! In one of my relationships, my partner took advantage of my past. He used my trauma against me by gaslighting and revictimizing. It was a truly horrible experience. That being said, he was a truly horrible person and I was only with him because of my trauma and my self worth being so low. Aside from this one relationship, all my others have been very positive experiences when I talk about my past. Everyone knows someone who's been through something horrible. Not everyone can directly relate, but most people, if they care, they will be supportive. They want to help you be healthy and the best verion of yourself. They want you to feel like you can be honest with them, to trust them.

To know the answer to your own question, you must ask yourself why you would want to tell and why you wouldn't You have to figure out for yourself what you want from the relationship and what you're comfortable with sharing. I think if certain things are bound to come up (like say... body memories during sex as an example), then these are the kinds of things that will retraumatize you if your partner doesn't realize what their doing in your context.

At the end of the day, it is YOUR decision to do what feels the most right for you. Talking about the past can be scary, but it can also be liberating. You know you best. If you want to keep discussing options and pros and cons about those options, feel free to keep posting. There is no right answer here, only what feels the most right, right now.