my dad sexually exploited me

when i was younger, around 3-4 i was touched inappropriately by my dad. he’d lay me on his lap during a show or movie and go into my pants. he’d tell me that if i was ever stressed, that touching myself would feel good and would release that tension. ever since then i basically became hyper sexual because of it. when i was starting in highschool, i was 14. i was dating a senior and we had sex. i lost my v card to him and i guess that turned my dad on. i would see figures outside of my window late at night, causing me panic attacks and wondering if it was safe for me to even be inside my own house. soon enough, there was a floating red dot outside of my window, and i remembered that the family camera that we’ve had for years had a red dot when filming. i asked my dad to put a fence up, and a trap for whenever steps over a certain line. later on, i looked at the figure long enough and it looked like my dad was standing outside. but instead of just one figure, it was two. i never found out who the second figure was. i thought i was just insane and that i needed psychological help. one day my bf and i decided to go up on the roof, and the night that my bf was leaving beforehand, my dad pulled him back inside for a chat. my dad admitted the fact that it was him outside of my window at night, and complimented my bf’s penis with the honest statement of “you have the most perfect cock”. when my bf told me this, i was infuriated, and so i had a breakdown. the next day, i went through my dads computer where he stores everything from the SD card, and low and behold, there was our sex tapes. there were photos, videos, and i was baffled. immediately we called the police, and i called my mom. i went through my dads room and there were audio tapes and recordings of more of us. porn magazines were everywhere, flesh lights, you name it. i was in tears and furious. i never thought my dad would do such a thing. unfortunately, as soon as they arrived they looked over the tapes and they evacuated me from my house, while investigating the situation. i was torn away from everything i ever knew to go live on with my bf’s family. they gained custody over me as they felt that it was much safer for me, as my dad didn’t know his exact address, rather than a family member. the arrested my father and put him in a detention center. i went in to get interviewed and for them to get my statement. i had to describe the entire thing over and over, to the point i got mad. the detective told me he admitted to it all and was very submissive to everything they wanted from him, because he knew what he did was wrong. i was still in school, on my last week. my bf graduated, and so he went to get me everyday to bring me home. one day, he had an absence seizure, and we crashed down a 15ft hill, with thankfully, a minor concussion on my end and a few scratches on his. i was taken away from my bf’s family, and i was put into my aunts house. i lived with them for abojt a week, as my mom lived in a completely different state and was making her way down to get me and bring me to where i am to this day. during this, my bf attempted suicide, and my dad was released, with a gps tracker on his leg. he wasn’t allowed at work, only to the store for groceries and back to the house. basically, my dad found a way of chipping off the GPS tracker and ran away. he took all of his money, but left me sentimental and a note to express his sorrow for what he had done. when my mother and i went to go to the house of the incident, we found it robbed and completely destroyed. it looked like a small tornado was tearing through the house. i left the state j was in, and when i arrived to the state i’m in, not even a month later we got a call from the detectives saying that my dad had committed suicide, 300 ft away from his car.