rape , sexual abuse. and no one seems to care
i was sexually abused and raped by my older brother since i was 8 years old till... honestly i can't remember. i managed to block all of that out of my mind for a while but i do know that it happened for more than a year
i grew up from then on not exactly remembering what had happened it was like it was in a a deep dark place in the back of my mind that i don't visit. when did i remember or let me rephrase that. when did my thick wall if denial come crashing down? when i was sexually abused by my uncle at age 12
it went on until this year ( i'm turning 17 now ) my uncle didn't rape me like my brother did but he did make me touch him and he did touch me , the last time he didn't i decided i can't take it any longer it i told my mother at first she believed me that is until she talked to him and asked him if he did touch me and he denied it
it was so humiliating having my mother ask me if i was making this up and asking if i was sure. at that moment i felt all trust i have for my mom quickly disappeared i decided i would never talk to her about this stuff again a couple of months later i got worse nightmares panic attacks and PTSD i decided to tell my mother i wanted a therapist when i did she asked why would i need one ( she didn't know about my brother) but still sexual abuse is not easy to deal with so i told her about my brother she believed me but she didn't care that much. she even seem to listen when i said i wanted to talk to someone. and now my panic attacks are increasing and she doesn't understand she makes me go with her to crowded places ( witch really doesn't help with the panic attacks) and gets mad when i tell her i don't feel good
it like she wants me to act like nothing of the above happened and now i barely sleep at night from the nightmares and i hate public places because of the panic attack. i know i need help but how would i get it when she's acting like all i'm doing is overreacting
I am so sorry to hear about this. This is a story that is told in 1 on 1 chats and on these forums way too often. The effects of rape and molestation are as you say, overwhelming and in most cases do require therapy or at least a listener to work through.
I think the best guidance is, of course, the therapy. I also ask that you look for support from 7cups and other sources on the internet. If there is a battered woman's shelter or non profit in your area that can help you without needing a parent to interact. There are very many people that have been through your trauma and not only know what it's like but they know how to process, overcome, and go on.
For now, just know that what you are feeling is justified, it is real, and what your relatives did to you is awful and wrong. You did nothing wrong here.
Let me repeat. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG HERE! And you are doing a very brave thing talking about it out here. I invite you to find a listener that can help you process, help you with this trauma, one you can cry with without judgement and you can lean on a bit. That's why we are here.
Hugs to you. And thank you for being so brave and strong. You will make it through.
In fact, there is a 24/7 helpline that you can chat with a specialilst for rape victims. https://ohl.rainn.org/online/ I invite you to use them.