some days like today are worse than others

Well. In ninth grade (2015-2016) I had a crush on him and apparently he knew I guess because I'm obvious AF and he took advantage of that. So. It started when he saw me in my cheer uniform. We started flirting and it was nice for a while (until it was scary) After two months the flirting turned DIRTY. this was my first experience with dirty flirting. I thought the things he was saying was normal I now know they are far from normal. He started saying weirder Stuff. Like going into exact detail on exactly how he'd have sex with me. "I'd tie you down and fuck you until you actually liked it or passed out from the pain" "I'll stick my huge penis in your tight tiny Virgin pussy" "I don't need your consent" stuff like that and way more. Then it got worse. He started to touch me. At that point I was too scared to tell anyone. Then one day. I had to change into my cheer uniform for a pep rAlly. And the teacher said I could go into the back closet to do it. So I go. Dylan followed me in. it was so bad. I thought I was going to be raped. He put his hand down my skirt. And he forced me to bend over the freezer (biology class so there was a freezer with dissection stuff cats pigs cow eye sheep brain etc) He bent over on top of me and touched me and said "not here not yet. This would be too easy. But I will one day bunny don't worry. This is just a tease." smacked my ass and left. I cried for ten minutes in the closet before I had to come out for the pep rally. Then one day Dylan was telling me that he would forcefully stick his dick in my vagina. And I just kinda nervously chuckled it off like everytime and our friend James stopped me. "Kalyssa do you know what he's saying. Are you okay with it?" "not really but I can't stop him...." "well I can" then James told Dylan if he ever so much as looked at me inappropriately he'd shit in his mouth as he held him in a choke hold. Dylan left me alone after that. But then James wasn't there that day. And Dylan came up to me "ya know bunny. James won't always be here to protect you." "what do you mean?" "one day he won't be around to look out for you. And that's the day I'll rape you. " "what?" "oh no bunny! Don't start crying. That's not a threat!!!! It's a fucking promise. And don't you forget it. I tend to keep my promises." And Then I went to the bathroom to vomit like I did everyday after Bio class from the stuff he would say (i was only 90 pounds because of this). At the time I was very depressed between being bullied by the cheer team, still grieving my cousin and my dog, then being diagnosed with epilepsy and being stripped of all freedom, and finally the kicker Dylan. I was cutting and suicidal. I couldn't remember why I had started the cutting but it was Dylan. I repressed the entirety of It. What triggered my memory was Dylan texted me on Facebook when I first got it in January 2020 And everything was fine we were flirting and I still didn't remember. Then. Then he called me Bunny. God I hate bunnies now because of him. Trigger of mine. He called me that because they have a lot of sex😕 And that's what I was to him. His sex toy. His bunny. His property. His possession. When in reality I wasn't any of those. I was his victim. And I still am. I can barely go to the grocery stores some days without thinking "he's going to be here and fulfill his "promise" Panic attacks. And nightmares. Loss of breath and so much more. Light Headedness. Flashbacks. i was having all of it. And then I stopped talking to him after remembering. But in November he messaged me again. and February on snapchat. every time i block him on something he just finds a new way to contact me. So yeah that's it for THAT sexual Assault. There are others but this one impacted me the most. the worst part of all of this is i confided all this to my friend cheyenne and then she started sending me a bunch of bunny stuff which i told her triggers me and she still continued so i told her i couldn’t be friends with her anymore and then on Friday night. she sent me a photo of him after her not contacting me in 2 months. i cant stop thinking of it and it’s put me in a downward spiral just as i was starting to get better. i hate that everytime i’m getting better something happens and it’s like all the progress i make has washed away. i don’t know what to do and frankly i’m getting tired of it. thank you for listening if you have any advice i’ll lady take it thank you