vent.. i still feel gross
tw: SA
plz don’t read this if u might get triggered
im a teen still, but i got sexually assaulted by one of my friends 4, 3, and 2 years ago. all by the same person, and i’m still close friends with her. for a long time i guess i just blocked it out? but today i can’t stop thinking about it. one of my friends was telling me abt how he is at a sleepover and the build up that happened to me was happening to him. so i tried to help but now i’m triggered. the thing is.. his friends listened when he said to stop. mine didn’t. and i went along with it and i hate myself so much for it. i feel so gross and nasty. i don’t want that. but now i don’t know what to do because i want to get out of my body. but i can’t. i mean i didn’t really block it out because whenever someone touches me i flinch or i feel like puking. they could pat my shoulder and i’d feel disgusting. is that.. normal? even just typing this feels so wrong. and i have told people, but nothing has happened. i have a therapist but all we talk about is homework. i’m so lost tho. am i supposed to feel gross..?
@lolorye89
Aww lolory, I'm so sorry hearing this, its not fair you have been hurted so much. Its perfectly understandable and normal to feel disgusted, but how we feel is very different from reality, buddy.
You done nothing wrong, none of this is your fault
I'm really really proud of you, it takes a lot of courage to share something so heavy and painful, even though it has passed, our body still remembers it(that's why we would automatically flinch when someone touches us)
Please give yourself time, it's perfectly fine if we needs time to tell this to someone in real life, like your therapist.
My private message is open for you, feel free to message me❤
My best wishes to you, lolorye
thanks, i just don’t like it. i’ll be alright though
