Bullied for my appearance

I was bullied when I was very young, it mainly lasted through my whole elementary school life but it pops up sometimes again. I used to get bullied a lot for my appearance, I’m mixed (black/white) and I went to a predominantly white school, no one looked like me. I used to get picked on for my curly hair, strong features, bushy eyebrows, freckles, deep(ish) voice, “masculine” appearance. So many people would compare to a man, it was very hurtful and I felt like no would ever be attracted to me. Looking back I was too young for these worries but they were so real. I got called ugly so many times and had other kids constantly give me “beauty advice”, my parents were the only ones who called me pretty. I was probably in 5th grade when a guy called me cute for the first time, I was in so much shock because how could he? I was told I was ugly so many times that the idea of a guy finding me pretty was unbelievable. That happiness that I felt that day didn’t last long. Years past and then something changed, I used to get bullied for wearing glasses then all of a sudden they were cute and popular, same for my curly hair and freckles. The same people who criticized me for those things were now curling their hair, wearing fake glasses and drawing on freckles. I should be happy that they weren’t criticizing my features anymore but I wasn’t. Why should we have to take turns to feel beautiful? Why can’t people always feel that way? I got sick of it and decided that I would love my appearance no matter what’s popular at the time. I think I’m pretty now but even so, getting complimented is so odd, I guess I still can’t comprehend the idea of people thinking I look good even if I know I do. I don’t really like trends and stuff now, and I don’t put very much effort in my appearance, part of me wishes that I actually cared so I could relate to my friends but I don’t. I don’t believe in the concept of beauty anymore. I hope anyone who was bullied for their looks can become confident and happy with themselves and their lives.