Responding to Bullies
If you are on the receiving end of a negative comment, you can choose to have a rebuttal to that negative remark said.
For example, if you are bullied for a personal trait (which a bully deems to be unacceptable to him or her), you can say something along the lines of, "What causes you to say that?" or "Is there a reason for you to feel this way?"
By responding to a harsh criticism or comment, you can act to diffuse an uncomfortable situation. In some harsher situations, it may be reasonable to just walk away from what is happening, if possible (if there is physical bullying involved, etc.).
One can try to gauge a situation, and do what he or she feels is best for him or her (either to have a rebuttal to something negative which has been said, or to walk away).
Any comments or sharing of experiences is welcome.
Good ideas, I think bullying should be made more open so that we talk about it more!
Listening .... One Step At A Time
Responding to bullies is definitely a skill that can be learned. I came out of the closet 25 years ago in a school with 1500 students where nobody, no teachers or students, was out. People tried to bully me a lot and it hurt. But once I tried to think of it as practicing my 'dealing with bullying' skills, I learned so much.
It may be a weird thing to say, but I've grown good at dealing with bullies. I don't think learning these skills is talked about enough. It's almost as if, people think that having to learn these skills means admitting that being bullied is the victims fault. But that's BS. You don't blame someone for taking a self defence class.
My whole life I stod against bullies, for me and for those dear to me...
I suffered a lot in school due to bullying. At the time I suffered in silence, I hated them
@blueHickory43
I know, It is your only option against them, suffer in silence if you are weak...
I fought like hell to destroy that, to push away bullies from victims because not everyone can fight and we go silent and depressed because of their dominance...
As I breathe, I shall still fight bullies...
What the bullies do not know...
I am very efficient😉🤗😊
@GreenAndRedBoat how do you fight them? Any useful tips for other people?
@blueHickory43 I have some tips.
First, when someone is being bullied and constantly put down, it's very hard to get up by yourself. So getting support is always the first step.
In an ideal situation everyone gets involved in stopping bullying. Parents to a bullied child and the parents of the child who bullies, teachers, other kids in the class.
Often the bullying kid is blamed but that isn't a helpful approach. In system therapy they are known as the 'problem carrier'. In fact, no one person is the problem. The problem is a pattern that exists between persons. And all of the people I mentioned have some influence in reducing the problem.
The biggest influencer (with support) is the one being bullied. Again, not their fault but they can objecively have the biggest impact by changing behaviours.
There are two behaviour changes that help:
1. Changing behaviours that 'attract' bullying. Like being easily upset, low confidence, or socially awkward behaviour.
2. Responses to bullying. People who are bullied tend to have a fight, flight, or freeze response. While this is perfectly understandable they're also the responses that are the least helpful.
Assertiveness, confidence, humour, and derailing the conversation are helpful. There are training methods that teach this.
I have never been bullied beyond at best 3-4 years ago, but now that I have, I think fighting back really helps and having a no contact mindset helps.
you don’t need those people around.
