Confused About Direction
I’m really confused on how to tackle this new part of my life. I’m a young adult, still learning how it all works. My spouse and I left our hometown a few months back to build our dream home somewhere new. It’s great, but the job hunting is difficult. We expected it to be, but I’m starting to get very anxious.
I’m a cosmetologist by trade but I specialize specifically in men’s hair/beard care. I would like to stick to this. My spouse says he’s been job hunting, but I don’t see it personally, but I’m not going to nag at him. However, the bills are due, and I’ve decided to take the first job I could find. It’s completely outside of my spectrum, not even within my cosmetology trade, but it’ll pay decent.
I know it’s a good opportunity, but I’ve been stressing out about it because it’s not what I want to focus on. But I have to pay the bills. What irks me about this as well, is that I need to save up so that I can transfer my cosmetology license into the state I’ve moved to. But if I’m not even working within that field, I don’t have the motivation to do it.
I reflected on this all day, I’ve been trying to figure it out. But I shut down, I’m quiet, and all my husband has said is I’m acting weird and it’s upsetting him. I explained I was stressed, he dismissed it. Now I’m more than stressed, I don’t know how to handle this situation with him.
@oliveJet2844
It might just be something to pay the bills and tide you over until you find a job in the area you trained in.
Wishing you the best.
Communication is key, just try and let your husband know, why this is so difficult and causing you stress 🥺
🩷
@oliveJet2844
big moves are exciting and big plans, but it is the details that wear us down. If the job offered will pay the bills and buy you time, then take each step as it comes. What steps are needed to do a transfer license to this state. Breakdown the issues and they are more manageable.
if you are concerned spouse is not having luck in job hunt speak up because in time you will be frustrated if carrying the load of your new life.
We are not stuck in a career or field just because we took the job... the cosmetologist skills will still be in you.
@oliveJet2844, I completely understand everything that you are feeling. Let's first validate that what you are feeling is real and is to be expected based on this situation. It is hard to try to lay the foundation for your career and life while trying to support the intricate blend of your life with someone else's. Marriage can be a very challenging venture because it requires so much to make it work for both parties. It is extremely difficult to want to pursue your passion, in your case it is cosmetology and then hit huge roadblocks and obstacles that keep you away from doing something that you have trained for and love. Let's deal with the motivation and discouragement part. If we can help you to overcome that, then your mood will lift a bit and that will trickle to help you clear the atmosphere with your spouse. He is getting upset because your shut down is not spelling out "that you feel defeated for not being able to be licensed in the state that are, in order to practice the craft you want but instead you feeling like you are spinning your wheels..." The shut down is communicating to him that " something is really wrong, there is distance and I don't trust you to really share and I would rather just keep it to myself." Try including him in the path to your progress. Take a board make draw what looks like a target board with Cosmetology/License/State in the middle. But all the sections around the around the target with space to add tiny sticky notes, or hand written notes. place it in a central location so that you both can see it. With that it reminds you that you both that you working with a specific target in mind. invite your spouse to add to the board, anything that can help you move closer to the target. Now without you having to communicate a whole lot, your a creating a focus on your greatest need right now. you can add as much or as little as you want to the board. Include things this outreach made, job search, seminars... anything that will keep that light of anticipation fresh. And try to embrace the other job that you are doing now, is only temporary, a means to to an end to keep the ship afloat until you get to the shore and step into your destiny. It is not the worst thing in the world; especially with unemployment on the rise. It only a tool for today, that will help you open that big door tomorrow which is practicing cosmetology legally in your state of residence.
@oliveJet2844
You are being very reasonable about how you hold your situation.
Congratulations on that new job! I hear you about it not being your dream one. You are right about the bills. Getting this job might allow you to continue looking for cosmetology opportunities with less pressure on yourself.
It is not good for you to carry the stress of resolving money problems and feeling bad about not being in the greatest mood. You don't have to be apologetic for being quieter when it comes from a healthy place. Your feelings are important. It is important you could share them with your husband. Looks like he was not ready to support you. We don't know what is in his head. There is a chance he feels bad for not having a job and letting you down. He might read your quietness as a confirmation of his worries and instead of owning them, he wants you to fix it for him. It would mean a growing opportunity for him and not something you do wrong. Could trying that perspective be useful in approaching communication with him?
