Do I Miss Changing Diapers?
Hi, I saw someone’s post saying they’re drowning, and honestly, I couldn’t think of a better way to describe my life right now. I’m newly married and I love my husband—thank God our relationship is great. But my struggles aren’t with him, they’re with myself.
My mental health has been rough lately. My husband is in the military and we moved out of the country, so he’s gone a lot. I’m trying to find a remote job, but the alone time has been really hard on me. I feel completely isolated, even though I live in a busy city. I spend most of my days talking to myself, escaping into food or TV shows, and I’ve never felt less proud of myself.
Here’s the thing: when my husband is home, I feel like me again. I work out, eat healthy, stay on top of chores, apply for jobs, read—everything that makes me feel like myself. But as soon as he’s gone, I fall into this pattern of letting everything slide. It makes me feel like I’m living two versions of myself, and I hate that I rely so much on his presence to function.
For some context: I spent the last two years before getting married living with my family. The house is full of babies and young kids, always chaotic, and I was constantly needed—helping with cooking, cleaning, changing diapers—plus working. There was never a dull moment. I was never, ever alone. Going from that to this quiet, empty space when my husband’s gone has been a huge shock.
I want to be of service to people, accomplish my goals, and manage my weight and habits, but right now I just don’t know how to get myself out of this... It’s frustrating and exhausting.
Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you break self-destructive habits or find internal motivation when it feels like you can only do it when someone else is there to hold you accountable? I’d really love to hear personal experiences or advice.
@versatileVillage3356
It’s completely natural for change to feel hard after a life full of movement and people. Don’t blame yourself. Small steps for yourself each day can make a big difference, and you’re stronger than you think.
@versatileVillage3356
🥺
You are used to loudness!
Chaos.
Helping out!
Being around people!
When your husband is there,you both lift each other, it's not that you cannot function without him, it's boring eating for one or working out alone!
It's important to find something that gives you passion and doesn't isolate you.
You could work out in the gym where you'll meet new people.
Or go to cooking classes, and learn new romantic recipe ideas, that will give you a goal and some great alone time with your husband.
It's important to find something that stops you ruminating!
I hope you find something and your husband stays safe!
Welcome and nice to meet you!
💜💜
Engage yourself in some hobby or volunteer work where you meet people. Since youve enjoyed with babies and kids before, you could check some nursery if they need some staff (they take volunteers as well) or some orphanage ... that would be a big service.
@versatileVillage3356
@versatileVillage3356
Yes, I think I've had experienced very similar feelings on at least several occasions...
First, my family home was a small place, with four to six people sleeping in the same 4 by 5 metres long bedroom (the same place serving as a living room during the day). It was a bit crowdy or suffocating many times (often no place to read a book in silence). But when I had moved out, and for the first time in my life I had a room of similar size just for myself, it felt immeasurably cold and lonely.
What helped me was reaching out for some new friends (finally, I could invite someone for some chat or chess and tea!). And starting new activities, like a new school or a language course.
For the second time I experienced it after I had to move out from my ex partner's apartment, where I was constantly surrounded by my kids. Starting to living alone in a tenement house cold (both emotionally and literally) single room was devastating mentally: I was sad, depressed and having serious sleeplessness issues.
Once I visited the flat of my children. While my kids were getting ready for a walk with me, with my ex partner vacuuming the floor and shouting at them to clean the mess, deafening traffic noise coming through open windows and a *** movie in a blaring TV. "That is the real life!"—my body and mind apparently claimed. Paradoxically, it was soothing 😉
Then I realised again that, even if I am an occasional introvert, I cannot live without other people around. I need things happening around, not just my solitude.
Another time I experienced it when I followed my significant other to another town. I was all alone there. No friends. No support. No job at the very beginning. A perfect stranger.
Then I experienced exactly what you described. Whenever my princess was around, I lived the healthy way and had many new good activities ideas. But after each 48 hours without her I felt like rolling down into a mouth of a pitch black abyss.
Apart from being in friendly relationships with people from my work environment I started seeing a therapist, because while alone at home I felt like the walls were moving against me and trying to crush me, in a silence.
This time I knew it was a result of me being rather clingy in relationships, and that subsequently being the far echo of me being repeatedly rejected by my parents in childhood.
But, coming back to _your_ story: how would you accept a fact that you are just a sociable person, not a loner, and you need a company of other people for your mind and body to work seamlessly?
I imagine that your partner is not the only person deployed to this location? Are you in contact with other soldiers' wifes around?
Yes, meeting some friend with a messy warm house and a big family, or taking part in volunteering based on regularly visiting people (kids?) may sound as a very good idea 😊
When you said you miss diapers I tearfully smiled... 😊 Yes, I miss them too. My kids are teenagers with their growing independence now. Caring for them when they were toddlers was a very nourishing experience—it was like I was doing to my kids all the good things nobody ever did to me when I was at the same age. Seemingly, we need other people to make our life complete 😊
@versatileVillage3356 I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I definitely get it. I've struggled with personal discipline, procrastination, and purposelessness/hopelessness as well, especially if there's no structure or people to hold me accountable. It can be really hard to deal with when you know you're supposed to be doing something productive or achieving your goals but you just can't get yourself to do it. I'll share some things that have helped me get out of these ruts and find motivation:
Honestly, what has helped me the most is turning to Jesus and dedicating everything I do to Him (He instructs us to devote ourselves to good works and labor for His glory!) It sounds like you already focus on serving and helping people, which is amazing!! Keep going and remember that your efforts will not be in vain!
Take small steps every day! Even things like making your bed, writing down a to-do list for short and long-term goals (and blocking out time), or going out for a walk for 15 minutes can help you feel more productive and increase motivation. Set timers and give yourself structure to hold yourself accountable.
Try to be grateful for every opportunity and shift your mindset! Instead of thinking "I have to do these things", "I hate doing these things", or "I can't do this", try thinking "I get to do this" (ex. I get to exercise, eat healthy, find a job, etc.) Also, focus on the reason why you're doing it and the reward you'll get from it. Right now, it might feel overwhelming and like you're not making any progress, but slow progress is still progress and you'll definitely look back in the near future and be thankful that you took action. Nothing changes if nothing changes!
Of course, remember to rest and take breaks when needed! Keep persevering, but don't overwork yourself! Trust that it will get better and that you are ABSOLUTELY strong enough to do this!! We're rooting for you 💗 Sending you so much love, hugs and prayers!!
@versatileVillage3356
Hello and welcome. It is nice to meet you. It is wonderful to hear how pleased you are to have joined our community. Looking forward to getting to know you.
Have a wonderfully blessed day.