Hello, new person here

Hello,

I am finally awkwardly making a post at the request of the resident chatbot😅

I'm not really sure what to say. I'm an adult (18-25) who is doing an excellent job at sabotaging my life slowly but surely. I've had fairly severe mental health issues since I was 12, but due to a bad experience, never sought help again and ended up with a fear of medical/mental health professionals. Things have gotten to the point where it's impossible to ignore any longer, but things haven't been working well so far as far as professional help goes. I'm currently dealing with BPD, depression, and anxiety according to the professionals, though I'm wondering if there's actually any problem or if I'm just a naturally terrible person.

I'm here on impulse more than anything; looking for anyone or anything that might help. I'm probably being selfish and idiotic since my hopes aren't high to begin with, but then again I do a lot of things on impulse. Who knows what will happen.

I really only have one person in my life that is extremely important to me; they are practically the only person I have left. I've always had a turbulent relationship with them, but I think they're finally snapping and getting done with me, and they're actually going to leave like I knew they would. And everything is my fault. I've already lost any shred of a solid identity and they're all I have, so I can't keep going without them.

Besides relationships, I'm just struggling with more-or-less all aspects of life. I don't want to sound like I'm pitying myself because I know it's my fault. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm sorry; this post is a mess and I don't know if I'm doing it right. I'm sorry if I messed it up. I wish everyone the best.