Hi I guess

I am not sure how I got here or where to even start. I will try to make it short.

I am 41.

Around 20 years ago, I was diagnosed with ocd and major depression. Medication and therapy helped me get back on track. I even became an ambassador, starting my own support group.

Recent stressful events at work have triggered a complete relapse. My obsessions are out of control. My depression is out of control. I am on a leave of absence from work. Right now, I am living in a constant state of fear and anxiety.

I lost my brother in law to suicide in 2018. Yesterday at dinner, I told my wife that if it weren't for her and the kids, I might be with him. No, I do not have a plan. I am just not doing well. These are the lovely symptoms that come with a major depressive episode.

I have therapy tomorrow and see a psychiatrist next week to hopefully stabilize my medication situation.

I guess I am just looking for some connection or someone with ocd or depression that can relate.

Thanks.