I could use some help. *TW*
TW
Throughout my childhood I endured a lot of emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. I could name some instances, but it all boils down to learning that my Dad wasn't my father. He was not deceived in any way, because my Mom told him that I was not his child. I, however, was not told until I was a teenager.
I got married to my first husband when I was quite young. That marriage didnt last long. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. I moved to a completely different part of the country while the divorce was completed.
Then I met my late husband. He and I were together for just over 23 years. It started out great. I cant lie and say that it didnt. However, over time, true colors showed. It was quite gradual. He broke me down in ways that I swore I would never endure. He took my voice, my self worth, my identity. He changed me into someone I didnt know. He would yell at me when I walked on eggshells, but he brow-beat me to the point that I wouldn't even lift my head. I would just stare at the floor. I am not speaking ill of the deceased. I mourned him when he passed away. I mourn him still.
Since he passed, my life has spiraled. I am unemployed and homeless. I honestly am at rock bottom. Logically I know that there is only one way to go, and that's up. I know God has a plan and I have to trust that. But dang....I am exhausted. So tired. I dont know what to do.
@Jenger208
Your story is so difficult to read. It is so unfair. You didn't deserve any of the misery you have been thru. Neither as a child, or as an adult. Grief when it is complicated is so rough and not many people understand.
Thank you for sharing. I hope it helps you feel a little seen.
My suggestion, if you want one, is to find a support group. Any will do, it doesn't even have to be related to an issue you have. Because any support group that's any good, is about finding your self and rebuilding self esteem. And you deserve the support to rebuild yourself. As long as you are respectful, it's OK to ignore whatever isnt relevant to you.
It's hard to believe in ourselves after decades of hearing we are no good, I know. I'm still fighting that fight mysrlf. Let's fight it together because we deserve better.
@Jenger208
Thank you for sharing something this vulnerable. It makes complete sense that you feel tired — you’ve carried more than most people ever will.
But the strength it took to survive, to still reach out, to still hope — that’s real. You aren’t broken; you’re rebuilding after years of being pushed down.
Rest is allowed. Tiny steps count. You don’t have to climb everything at once.
And you don’t have to do this alone anymore — we're here walking with you. 💕
