I don’t know what to do anymore
I just needed to say this somewhere. I don’t know what to do anymore, but I’m tired of holding it in.
I want to quit my job, but I’m afraid of disappointing my family.
This is my first formal job — I’m almost 30 and have never had one before. I used to sell small things and food to get by. I never finished college because of my depression, which I’ve never really treated. Now I live with my brother.
I’m not going to sugarcoat anything. Yes, I feel like a disappointment. I’m ashamed of myself, and honestly, I hate who I’ve become. But this job is destroying me.
Every day feels unbearable. I cry constantly — on the bus, on the train, in bed, even in the shower. No one knows. I can’t sleep properly; I wake up too early and feel exhausted all the time. I can’t even enjoy small things anymore, like eating a nice meal, because my mind won’t stop worrying about work.
Even on weekends, I can’t rest — I just spend the whole time anxious about Monday. I can’t focus, I forget things easily, and I find it hard to understand even small tasks. My coworkers call me an idiot behind my back. It’s a small company — only 10 people — and I mostly work inside the office with one woman who makes me feel worthless.
But that’s not the main problem. The real problem is that this job is draining me completely — emotionally and physically. If I quit, my family will be disappointed again. But if I stay, I feel like I’m dying inside. And I know if I look for another job, no one will hire me because my background education and my age.
It feels like I’m being crushed from all of sides, with no way out. I know I need to support myself, but I can’t take this anymore. I just want a way out — from this job, from this pressure, from this version of my life that feels like too much to handle.
I am sorry to dump it here.
“ If it costs you your Peace it costs too much”
I am so sorry you’re going through this. And everything you said makes sense, this being your first job when you feel like you’ve disappointed people and failed completely explains why you don’t want to quit
But how you’re feeling about the job is not sustainable, you need to make sure you take care of yourself
Of course that’s easier said than done but please don’t feel like a failure if a job makes you feel this badly and that’s why you want to quit
Sending you a big hug 🌸✨
@Clayjoy
i think you should get a therapy and control depression first ....prioritize your mental health and well-being and then you can be creative and find yourself a good job
@Clayjoy
Almost like i wrote this...
First of all take a long breathe u don't have to carry it all alone if that job is draining you then left it don't think much ur health ur happiness is much more important than anything else and ur family also want ur happiness talk to them tell them that ur not happy with this job and ur willing to work hard to find another or maybe smtg that u like don't force urself into smtg that drains you maybe ur education and age creates issue but u must got skills use it and uk what before lefting the job think what u don't like exactly is it really the job or smtg inside u maybe anxiety or pressure and try to deal with it ik words won't help but I hope u will feel at ease after hearing it just listen to ur heart and remember no one get through life clean everyone have their moments they're not proud of bu ur still deserve happiness just wait a bit I hope everything with u went well and u find a little thread of hope and happiness
@Clayjoy i'm not really good at giving a advice but maybe you should go to college but not for something that you don't enjoy for something that you do enjoy for something that you like and i feel the same way about disappointing my family i don't want to make this too much about myself so I'm not going to explain much but I'm just overdramatic I thinkAnd too much of a scaredy catBut anywayOr just do something you enjoyIf it lets you get by do something you enjoyHeck if you have a good personalityMaybe try being in YouTuberOr Something that you enjoyI hope I helped even if it's just a wee bit💕
I understand your feels. I've been there a time or two. The 4 a's work for me. Acknowledge there is a problem which you have. Accept the problem which you seem to have. Now you need to find the courage to adapt. Which could be finding another job. Maybe even online. I don't know your skills. Then you have to act upon it make it happen. Know that you are good enough. Those that speak bad of you mean nothing. Ignore that. Know you are able to do whatever it takes. I know you can the power for that is fully inside you.
I'm glad you decided to seek support instead of holding it in. Online or not, sharing your feelings and having a clear understanding of them takes a lot of strength. I understand that you don't want to be a disappointment but maybe you can fill out applications BEFORE quitting your current job to make the situation less dire. You are worthy and deserve a good quality of life in any circumstances. Do what is right for your own well-being.
I am here
U need to get evaluated by a psychiatrist. Ur alright ❤️
@Clayjoy: Hello. I am so sorry you have been feeling this stress from your circumstances. I imagine the pain of dealing with such is critical.
One important thing to note is that this job is exactly that: a circumstance. It is not your life in its entirety. While it's not proper to decide for you what to do in this situation, it is important to keep in mind that this is something you can change personally. We can at times become entrapped by the fears of "what if", and this can give way to anxiety. By gaining control of the fear of outcomes from a decision we make and by recognizing this as a temporary circumstance rather than a lifelong enslavement, you'll be able to regain the power over your circumstances. Much of what we go through is more a matter of how react to our circumstances than the circumstances themselves.
You're welcome to reach out to me if you need a listener.
Shaun W.