I feel terrible

He was always there for me whenever I needed him. Not physically but emotionally he was there for me. We are in a long distance relationship.

But what did I do to him? I was anxious, I was having one of my anxiety episodes, I wanted to be alone so I ignored his calls. He called for like 30 times and i didn't pick up. I blocked him and my other friends the next morning. I got a call from my friend in the noon and she asked me to unblock everyone and talk to him.

So i did. He called and cried a lot while asking what was his fault.

My heart sank at his voice. He was crying so badly. I did that to him

Then I got to know that the previous day he called me so much cause he was worried and he got anxiety cause of me. And when he found out that I blocked him, he was in the library and he cried and almost collapsed in front of everyone.

I did that to him.

How could I do that ?

How the *** did I even do it ?

Why? Why? Why?

Why can't I do anything right ?

And just yesterday we met for like a minute cause we didn't want to risk anyone knowing about it. After he left my brother and I had a fight he told me he would tell mumma that I met him.

So i had to do something about it so I called a friend and told her that if my mother calls her then tell her that she was the one I met.

While I was talking to her, he was calling. I thought I'll call him once I tell her what to do. But then my mother was back home so I couldn't call him and guess what he called cause he was having anxiety.

I'm a terrible person.

I hate myself.

I don't deserve him.