Jealousy of People Who Have Lots of Friends

Normally I would be taking a nap.  But I find myself so restless that I can't do it.

I know a lot of Christians who are blessed with a lot of Christian friends.

I think about the Church hurt I've been through, and how it continues to hurt me.

I think about it, and wonder what did I do wrong?

Here I am 45 years old, friendless, and around people who don't understand me.  They have their circles and I don't have mine.  I feel like I'm a loser.  I don't want to feel this pain, but life forces me to feel this pain.  Why can't I let it go?  How come things continue to drag me into these deeply negative hurtful feelings over and over again.  It feels like ***.  Of course I have talked to Jesus about it.

Just cause you talk to Jesus about something, doesn't mean you get it.  It has got be in His Will, and He's got to know it is best for you.  But I don't understand why this pain is best for me.  I just don't get it.