Little help long story alert
Hello everyone I am new here and I would like to explain my stuation and if you think I need therapy.
Am I normal person? My online best friend and I have things complicated.
for context: I am 23 years old female. I have feelings for him( he knows that i do kinda), I have been holding these feelings and I just outbursted because of jealousy, which led me to overreact and asking to end this friendship. I usually tend to see things better after my emotional outburst and i tried to correct what i did the next day because he is the best person i have ever known in my life.
We have been there for each others for almost 2 years, all types of communication, transparency and support and i do believe he is the right match for me and things between us could work if we try enough.
We both are so honest and straight forward people.
So i asked him directly if he sees me as a future spouse (both of us are not ready for relationships now) I sucked up and accepted it, it's ok
I asked to stay friends like we were but he asked for a time out a little break, to think about what to do and feel. Apparently I hurt him so much by my reaction to leave him, he cried and he doesn't cry about anything.
I tried talking to him the day after and telling no we don't a break now we should stick together, we are both hurt and broken we can heal together but he refused after some arguing back and forth.
Suddenly when arguing i felt something in me change it's like a switch in me just turned off, all the feelings i felt all shut down and now i don't even care if he wants to be my friend my lover and i don't care if he never talked to me? I feel kinda empty and nothing really matters.
I am known to detach from people after some kind of war in my head but this time it happened so quickly so fast i am scared
Is this normal? Is it normal to just let everything go in like 2 days span?
@Fatimash99 Hi. Sorry you are having a rough time. It is normal to want to push people away when we are in an argument. I think we really want to push the hurt away rather than the person or maybe to punish the other person because of how we feel. As you experienced, it can be very damaging to the relationship to act out on those feelings. It sounds like the abrupt change in your feelings may be because you really hate to be in conflict. If you think you might want to salvage the relationship, try to think back to earlier times in your friendship. Review in your mind what you cherished in this person. And then talk to them, or write to them. Tell them how much you appreciate them, tell them that the last thing you ever wanted to do was hurt them, tell them you were wrong to act that way, tell them (and this part is really important) what you imagine they must have been thinking and feeling in reaction to your outburst and then ask them if what you guessed was correct. That will make them feel like you understand them and gives them the invitation to share how they feel. BUT you will likely feel defensive when they start to speak and you MUST NOT defend your actions - keep mouth closed and ears open because if you start to defend yourself, you cut off their opportunity to be seen and heard. This part is super hard because we naturally want to defend our side of the conflict. It’s like a natural human reflex. Your goal is to get your partner to drop their natural instinct to be defensive. The way you do that is listen to them and make them feel safe. You’re not giving them any reason to pick up a shield. You are sorry, warm, caring, and fully responsible for your actions that led to the argument, and you’ll do your best to never hurt them again.
