Not quite sure why I am here

Hi all! I am new here and not quite sure why I am here. I just know that I feel like something is missing emotionally and I found myself searching and found 7 Cups. Maybe I was drawn here or being pulled in this direction. The last 10 years have been pretty tough in that I have experienced many losses (my mom, aunt, sister, and 3 kitties), my best friend kept me out of her wedding after portraying me to be a marriage hating person who would ruin everything and causing me to doubt who I am, I went through a diagnosis and treatment for breast cancer last year, and I was in an accident recently where I hit a deer and has left me with no car and worrying how I am going to pay for any of it; but at least I am unharmed. To clear something up a little, my best friend viewed me this way because I am very vocal about not ever wanting to get married; it is just a piece of paper to me. I have never told anyone that they shouldn't be married; I always celebrate their choices. We have since worked it out, but it was a difficult road and I still find myself protecting myself, being careful of anything I say. I am extremely thankful for everything I am blessed with. I have a wonderful "son" (my cat lol), a job I enjoy, a family I love (my nieces and nephews mean the world to me), and a handful of good friends. Plus I started volunteering recently with a local cat shelter. But I can't help the feeling of sadness and that something is missing. I feel like I am always just waiting for the next person to leave or the next big life changing event to happen. I feel anxious every time I leave the house or when the phone rings and it is a doctor. Even though I have had a support system through everything, I don't want to feel like a burden to anyone, so I avoid opening up too much about anything that is bothering me, especially since people have judged me for it in the past. I realize this is getting way too long so I apologize. Maybe I am here so that I can just rant and release? IDK.