Really need help with my relationship
My bf and I have been together for over a year now, and it’s been a constant struggle with intimacy, sex, and our love languages. We’re intimate maybe once or twice a month, on a good month, and otherwise we just feel like roommates. We’ve had this conversation a million times, and every time he assures me he loves me and wants to have more sex with me, wants to me more intimate and expressive. But he doesn’t. We don’t cuddle, don’t hold hands, anytime we kiss it’s an awkward peck on the lips. He’s told me seeing me naked doesn’t really turn him on. I feel unwanted and undesirable and he knows this. I’ve tried doing anything to get him interested, send him sexy pics, talk dirty, ask what he likes, what he wants, try new positions. He’s not receptive to any of it, but insists he wants to do more with me and that he’ll put more effort in. It’s been over a year and we’ve gotten nowhere. He doesn’t want to break up, but refuses to do anything to help this relationship and I’m at the point where I’m mentally broken but don’t what to do because I can’t afford to live anywhere but with him at the moment so breaking up and moving on isn’t an option, but I can’t keep going every single day wishing he would just act attracted to me. I don’t know if he has a hormonal issues, a trauma issue, or what but it seems like I’m the only one suffering from this and he’s fine letting things continue the way they are.
If this doesn't seem at all relevant, disregard.
But do you still go on dates with your partner? What kind of things do you do excluding intimacy/physical affection together? I know living together means a lot of time in one another's company but there's a difference between actually spending time together and just being in the same place.
It's a rut my husband and I fell into a while ago. Still very much in love with each other but started to take each other for granted, not much affection and I began to feel he'd basically gone off me. Its not a cure all but one thing that made a difference was we chose to start dating again. It's easy to fall into same routines, but we made a point of a date night/day at least once a month. Sometimes it's full blown out all night at hotel, other times it's just dinner and home, or shopping or even just an hour or two to go a walk to somewhere we haven't been in a while, we take the time to chat about the serious stuff as well as nonsense and just be silly together.
Also try to regularly have an eve where we will just have a movie night, or play a game on xbox together when our kids are in bed, cuddle up with snacks, no phones, no distractions just focus on us. Its not perfect but I found that those times helped the affection and intimacy come back and feel a bit more natural again