Relationship Self-sabotage?

Trigger warning: DV, Alcohol Abuse

Hello, first time posting. I hope this is the right place for it.

I am in a relationship with the most wonderful man and I feel I am self-sabotaging myself or pushing him away unintentionally. We have been together coming up to 3 years and have done most of this long distance. We see each other regularly and talk every day over the phone.

My previous relationship was really difficult. I was subject to physical abuse and coercive behaviour for 4 years. I left him when our daughter was 3 months old, right in the middle of covid. The last straw was when he came in drunk and wrecked the house. It was the night before my eldest daughters birthday and he ripped all the decorations down, spat on her presents and then came after me. I had to lock myself and the girls in the bathroom to get away from him. I was scared for my life that night and the next day left the relationship.

Since then, I unexpectedly met my current partner who is so healing and so kind. He has been patient whilst I have worked through understanding a healthy relationship and has come into my girls lives and supported us from day one.

I really struggle with the distance, I find it really hard to have a relationship through the phone and as a physically affectionate person, I find myself getting very lonely.

Since my last relationship, my self confidence and mental health hit rock bottom. I turned to drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism even though I know I don't react well to it. I have sought help from my GP, local support services and my loved ones, but I still feel like I will never be enough, and not good enough for someone to love.

My partner has been so reassuring and I see how hard he works to try and support me, but recently I feel like he is unable to cope with my mental health problems and it's now affecting him.

He says he wants to move in with us, but I cant wrap my head around it. He seems so low, and his optimism is dropping. When I met him, he was so positive and happy, but I feel like im the reason he's sad I don't understand what else I can do. I want to support him to feel better, but whilst also getting support for myself, this is really tricky to navigate. I have stopped turning to drugs and I am currently getting support for quitting alcohol completley.

Am I thinking the worst and self sabotaging, or is my baggage and MH issues too much for him? The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt him, and I want him to be happy. I don't want this relationship to end, he is kindest man I have ever met, but if I am the reason he's been so low, I feel I need to step away and allow him to find his happiness again.

I realise this is a very niche issue, however I just needed to get it off my chest.

Thankyou for listening x