The Mask
Every morning I wear a smiling mask, and when I go to bed I take it off and cry. I pray to God, saying I can’t take it anymore, but there is no one to hear but my heart alone.
It feels like no one is talking to me. It was never God in me , it was me answering as god , playing god in my head and responding. Am I fooling myself?
Thunder and lightning outside how I wish I could vanish in that spark.
How long will I be told this is a test? I want to drop out. I don’t fancy the PhD; I don’t want to push my limits.
It takes me the whole day to build the motivation to stand on my feet, and by the time I do, I feel knocked down by something or someone again.
My heart no longer knows its place, it moves from my throat to my shoulders, then to my lungs and kidneys.
Doctors and NHS mental health services all do their 9–5 jobs, some working from home, focused on their targets and KPIs rather than people. I feel dismissed, as if cases are closed in line with their targets and feedback. Whom am I supposed to go to?
If you don’t have close friends, you are meant to be alone. It feels too late to build close friendships; if you made them in childhood, you win. Otherwise, you end up in chat rooms.
God sees all. He sees your heart. He sees how you feel. Hea felt that pain,agonizing pain and rejection from mankind... he went to the cross for us so we could have someone to relate with. Pray for His strength to help you! I've been doing that they my grief journey and I feel an abundance of strength thruoit the day!!
Thank you for sharing , much appreciated !🙏💙
After battling within myself for years, I turned back to God, and yet I was thrown into the fire. I will continue to worship, not because I hope to be rewarded, but because if I don’t, He will punish me even more severely.
There’s nothing wrong with finding support in chat rooms, it just means you’re strong enough to look for help and desire to get better and there’s nothing more impressive than that!
@jayellen , indeed ! Thanks 💙
@bluetinkerbell1616 wow I hear you.. I feel like I love living but wish to share with others about this and enjoy nature together
Thanks 💐@ reliablemoon7069
@bluetinkerbell1616 your very welcome
I want to scream, scream so loud.
For the past two weeks, I've been wandering in a wilderness. Every morning it looks like it might be over, but by evening it gets worse again.
I feel so hollow. I sigh so softly, yet so deeply, and I can feel the emptiness inside me. I'm hanging on by a string tied to my heart.
It feels like someone is intentionally punishing me for something I don't even know I've done.
I don't feel God. I don't feel His presence.
Why keep hope alive in me? How do I remove the part of me that still expects God to rescue me? He isn't. It's never going to happen.
I'm so hollow, so empty, so tired of being me.
It's as if I'm ready to be sentenced for anything. I won't defend myself anymore. I've given up.
I want to scream, scream so loud.
For the past two weeks, I've been wandering in a wilderness. Every morning it looks like it might be over, but by evening it gets worse again.
I feel so hollow. I sigh so softly, yet so deeply, and I can feel the emptiness inside me. I'm hanging on by a string tied to my heart.
It feels like someone is intentionally punishing me for something I don't even know I've done.
I don't feel God. I don't feel His presence.
Why keep hope alive in me? How do I remove the part of me that still expects God to rescue me? He isn't. It's never going to happen.
I'm so hollow, so empty, so tired of being me.
It's as if I'm ready to be sentenced for anything. I won't defend myself anymore. I've given up.