Why do I use anger to mask my fear
I do not know if that title makes any sense. Right now I just need help understanding myself. I have had a long battle with my anger. And most situations it manifests is when I’m scarred or feel embarrassed or feel like a failure. It’s so weird to me. It feels so natural to do. Such an easy mask to put on. It’s so frustrating and I cry almost every time I take off the mask when I’m alone. I don’t know if I’m making sense at this point. Any help would be appreciated. Thank you.
Hello @JackMiles,
We all have a fight or flight response in us
whenever we encounter a stressful or frightening situation.
At the same time,
Psychologist(s) also pointed out anger is one of defence mechanisms in us.
The "anger" mask that you put on could be
a defense to conceal less comfortable and deeper emotions such as
embarrassment and/or fear.
For example,
one might have a panic attack in public all of a sudden
& the person finds that experience awkward
maybe embarrassed about it...
might react to getting angry with oneself.
Maybe speaking to a Counsellor or Therapist
to explore your inner world
would be a good place to start
because you will have insights that you never knew
& options for the next course of action to take.
For your reference. :)
You are not alone :)
@JackMiles hi jack ❤ haha! Hijack😂😂 yeah you make sense ❤ our minds create coping mechanisms for different things. And anger is how your mind copes. Unfortunately like most coping methods, we feel sad and guilt after we done them. So reaching out for help here is a great start ❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤ sends love your way ❤
I'm sorry to hear that you have dealt with this for a long time.
We sometimes use anger as a coping mechanism to protect ourselves
when we're feeling vulnerable and afraid (as you mentioned).
Accepting the feeling of being vulnerable can be quite challenging,
but we can learn to allow ourselves to be vulnerable.
We have the power to respond or react, and in your case it sounds like
you choose to react rather than responding.
Sometimes it stems from us having dealt with something in our past,
where we felt like we weren't allowed to express ourselves
and our thoughts and emotions.
So we went for drastic measures to be and feel heard and seen.
When we've dealt with something like this for a long time,
we tend to have a hard time with emotional regulation.
If you have experienced in the past, situations where you didn't feel heard,
then I want to tell you that I'm sorry that you went through that,
that you had to endure that.
Your emotions are valid, your vulnerability and afraid of being seen
in a certain way by others is also very valid.
I can imagine how challenging it feels when all is done and you
eventually have to face your emotions.
I wonder, when you allow yourself to put down the mask,
and as you're breaking down, would you say that you have some
specific thoughts and emotions that you repeatedly go through?
If so, they might be worth breaking down and it might help to
explore them as well.
I wish you all the luck in the world with working through this,
know that you are valid and that you're enough.
✨💙✨
✨
