i need help!

I've been depressed for years since junior school, i graduated high school this year. so last year i was doing a paid test online to finally see what's wrong with me and it says i was actually need help. but don't know what to do, i didn't go to therapist because i was broke, i'm employed now but my salary was low, my paycheck is used to pay my college tuition, i have to go to an open university instead because it was cheaper. my family didn't aware of mental health issues that's why i don't really have anyone to talk to. i feel like its just gonna kill me slowly, people started to call me lazy, but deep down i was fighting myself to do something, but i just can't control my body. i'm super introverted, awkward, super forgetful, very careless, and because of that my relationship with everyone just ruined. thats how bad my communication skills were. i have a vision for myself in the future, i have many talent that i need to be passionate with, i think i have a lot of potential but i just didn't have anyone by my side. i just don't have any motivation, i tried so hard to find ways to boost my mood but i failed every single time. i feel like i really need medicine or a posion or anything that can make a chemical reaction to my body and brain to do something. what is wrong with me? am i brainrotted? or am i just lonely? i have nobody, i just don't know where to start, i need a guidance, i need help.