Hey there
Hello , I am Dirtshine. I am a recoverying internet addict . I have been going through depression anxiety the past three years .I would really like to talk to people who are going through something similar.
I want to make friends too . I don't have any. I can't promise to be a cheerful friend , but I can assure, that I will live upto it . About me...apart from all that mental health stuff..I love reading( I am a huge fan of romance novels) , painting , writing ( that's very new ) .I also like listening to music but I am trying to tone it down . So those are all the classy hobbies I have that I like to also mention around 😁.
Thank you for reading so far . Please feel free to ask if you have any questions ( but be polite please , I am in a fragile place rn)
@Dirtshine Hey there, Dirtshine. It’s really nice to meet you. Let me just say that I think it’s really brave of you to be honest about what you’re going through.
If you're comfortable answering, what was it like when you first realized you were struggling with depression, anxiety, and addiction?
@Snor1ax , thank you for the support , and I don't mind , infact I was sad nobody had anything to say .
When I was given labels for what I am going through , it made recovery way easier because then I knew what I am facing. I could understand and learn more about it. And above all that , everything made sence . All of my out of charecter behaviours , mood swings and other unpleasant parts of my life ..I now know what it is and why it's there ,
@theboymoana
Hey there , this tag might come as a suprise. I am worried about Alex , a lot .. Have you heard from him ? I don't want to invade his privacy , but if there is anything that you can share respecting it , can you tell me ? With his permission ofc . I backed away a lot of times before sending you this message. I am so sorry for putting you in this position .
@Dirtshine
hey is ok to ask me your one few people alex care about here
am worry to he leave me few real scary messages feb 21 and nothing since 😭 just been hoping he ok and getting help and that why he not been back
Just am so scared😢 feel empty with out him
sorry do not have good news ☹️
@theboymoana , thank you Moana . I am worried sick too . It hits harder sometime. Though we both don't have any update , it feels better to talk and share about what's worrying. we can give him a hard for worrying us when he gets back.
@theboymoana , Hey , so though u mentioned it was fine to ask , i believe it isn't fair, to ask or expect a response . Especially when we don't know eachother and have never talked , apart from some chit chat , not even that lately. But it's hard not to. Sorry if u don't have a gud news or if this it's a crap reminder about how life is not pretty at times. Hugs? I like hugs . So sending a tonne ur way . Totally optional to receive
@theboymoana
@Dirtshine
hey dirt am glad saw you but still not hear from alex ☹️ been since February am just ☹️need him be ok and need him come back you know 😭
You ok ? how you have been ? Am glad tag me really mean it when say can talk to me am here ok ? Like hugs lot thanks and send bunch to you friend 💛💛
@theboymoana , hey there, thanks, really. It means a lot. I don't like Alex when he goes ingonito. I miss him too. All the waiting stuff is hard , because I don't know what's happening. I message him occasionally, no replies though. How are you doing? This is not easy, at all for you either
@Dirtshine
this time feel worse because was do so good he with Lonnie and then so fast crash and see coming because happens always around time his mom died but hoped him ask Lonnie help ☹️😭
alex my best best friend soulmate he only one understand nahoa complete can tell anything he know more about me anyone else whole world feel just part nahoa missing ☹️😭
sorry am ramble so much just miss him lots
@Dirtshine
Think im to honest because people all time get mad things nahoa say 🥲 just don’t get how suppose just know what truth ok say and what truth suppose not say
why not ok say just what person mean ?? But people just get mad not explain so never learn why not ok or why offend people
like use get so annoy people come chat cups just be all Am SOOO Bored 😩😩😩 not understand why not do something then but some one FINAL one day explain say people tell someone im bored actual means like they lonely want someone talk to want do something with friend want help find something do
so now not so annoying see people say that but how suppose know that what people mean say IM BORED 😐😐
communication confusing alex never mad me accidentally say something rude just explain to me 😢 people not even give chance see how kind and patient and good he am
@theboymoana ,
Hi hi , sorry for replying late , this week had been super busy.
I once called him something offensive by accident. I didn't know it was rude or offensive. Aaand I wasn't getting how it was offensive or rude either. It took him some patience of a saint to make me understand why . I really miss him .
Now I can only speak for myself. I find it easier to say I am free than say I am lonely to most people , because saying so makes me feel vulnerable. I think it's okay to say that at cups , because ppl mostly dont make rude jokes about it here . But in general , people are mean sometimes , so i avoid saying vulnerable stuff , like one avoids spilling coffee on their shorts .
But yes , we should be open about other stuff if it isn't too much out of our comfort zone. It's easier to deal with than sugar coated mess .
How has ur week been ? Good ? masterpiece mess ?
@theboymoana , you are missing , are you sad , like bad day stuff? 
@Dirtshine
hugs😭💛am sorry not reply before been struggling bad idk how be ok and so frustrated lately people just don’t listen feel like do not matter 😭😭😭miss alex so much and one my favorite mods leave and in like month be 1 year since find out someone nahoa love so much here died
every thing hurts 😭😢😢😢
@theboymoana , That's a lot of bad stuff put into a single sick hamper. Death anniversaries really hits hard 🫂🫂 . But u know, when it's someone who have lived there life , seen all its shades and 💰 hit , they are happy and content to leave. I know , I know , it still sucks for everyone left behind. But it's something right ? To know they lived a life that treated them well ? I am tempted to ask which mod is leaving but i know that's frowned upon for somewhat right reasons. Sorry it's happening , that's tough too. What's got u people sick though ? Really , for all the clarity you insist people maintain while they speak , I don't even know what to say. Nothing helps me during such days .
@Dirtshine
im sorry been horrible reply 😭see you leave tcr realize do not reply again ☹️ want reply before forget
am struggling bad this time year always bad for me and just worse this year and know what dirt ? am real mad and angry and frustrated and just not got good enough words explain 😭am *** hurt feel like am let down by world
don’t know why nahoa health crap brain crap body crap *** hate epilepsy hate it so much am tired hurt and not able function am just tired and miss alex and miss home and tired crying all time and just don’t want exist😭😭😭
but going keep going and living because have to just how am but just tired nahoa whole life so tired
@theboymoana
You’re horribly late — but only this time. And it’s normal to forget, no worries. Better late than never, right? I’m just glad you replied, even if it’s to share heavy moments. You’re away from home? Why?
I don’t know much about epilepsy, but it sounds like a brutally heavy, unfair beast right now. How often does it steal a day?
I miss him too. I’m reminded of him at the oddest moments these days . Sometimes I fire him a text. I really don’t like this — all the waiting. It feels absolutely crap.
It’s fair to feel angry, worn down, and completely done with it all sometimes. The world does let us down here and there.
But thank you for staying, you know — for going on anyway. You’re still here, still fighting in ways others may never notice, and that matters more than you’ll ever know to those who care. Maybe not even they can understand you most days. People can have all the love to give and still not be enough sometimes. That’s just human. And it doesn’t mean you’re valued or loved any less by them , ever.
@Dirtshine
Don’t want try anymore can’t do it dirt am tired 😭
@theboymoana , what happened?
