Hey there
Hello , I am Dirtshine. I am a recoverying internet addict . I have been going through depression anxiety the past three years .I would really like to talk to people who are going through something similar.
I want to make friends too . I don't have any. I can't promise to be a cheerful friend , but I can assure, that I will live upto it . About me...apart from all that mental health stuff..I love reading( I am a huge fan of romance novels) , painting , writing ( that's very new ) .I also like listening to music but I am trying to tone it down . So those are all the classy hobbies I have that I like to also mention around 😁.
Thank you for reading so far . Please feel free to ask if you have any questions ( but be polite please , I am in a fragile place rn)
@Dirtshine Hey there, Dirtshine. It’s really nice to meet you. Let me just say that I think it’s really brave of you to be honest about what you’re going through.
If you're comfortable answering, what was it like when you first realized you were struggling with depression, anxiety, and addiction?
@Snor1ax , thank you for the support , and I don't mind , infact I was sad nobody had anything to say .
When I was given labels for what I am going through , it made recovery way easier because then I knew what I am facing. I could understand and learn more about it. And above all that , everything made sence . All of my out of charecter behaviours , mood swings and other unpleasant parts of my life ..I now know what it is and why it's there ,
@theboymoana
Hey there , this tag might come as a suprise. I am worried about Alex , a lot .. Have you heard from him ? I don't want to invade his privacy , but if there is anything that you can share respecting it , can you tell me ? With his permission ofc . I backed away a lot of times before sending you this message. I am so sorry for putting you in this position .
@Dirtshine
hey is ok to ask me your one few people alex care about here
am worry to he leave me few real scary messages feb 21 and nothing since 😭 just been hoping he ok and getting help and that why he not been back
Just am so scared😢 feel empty with out him
sorry do not have good news ☹️
@theboymoana , thank you Moana . I am worried sick too . It hits harder sometime. Though we both don't have any update , it feels better to talk and share about what's worrying. we can give him a hard for worrying us when he gets back.
@theboymoana , Hey , so though u mentioned it was fine to ask , i believe it isn't fair, to ask or expect a response . Especially when we don't know eachother and have never talked , apart from some chit chat , not even that lately. But it's hard not to. Sorry if u don't have a gud news or if this it's a crap reminder about how life is not pretty at times. Hugs? I like hugs . So sending a tonne ur way . Totally optional to receive
@theboymoana
@Dirtshine
hey dirt am glad saw you but still not hear from alex ☹️ been since February am just ☹️need him be ok and need him come back you know 😭
You ok ? how you have been ? Am glad tag me really mean it when say can talk to me am here ok ? Like hugs lot thanks and send bunch to you friend 💛💛
@theboymoana , hey there, thanks, really. It means a lot. I don't like Alex when he goes ingonito. I miss him too. All the waiting stuff is hard , because I don't know what's happening. I message him occasionally, no replies though. How are you doing? This is not easy, at all for you either
@Dirtshine
this time feel worse because was do so good he with Lonnie and then so fast crash and see coming because happens always around time his mom died but hoped him ask Lonnie help ☹️😭
alex my best best friend soulmate he only one understand nahoa complete can tell anything he know more about me anyone else whole world feel just part nahoa missing ☹️😭
sorry am ramble so much just miss him lots
@theboymoana , No , don't be sorry. Sharing feels good. U r not rambling. I know it feels scary to think about. I can't stop thinking in that bad direction sometimes too. But we are a bunch of scared teenager with brains that can be overdramatic and only tell us the worst possibilities. We can't stop it. But we can try to remember , that we have no solid facts to confirm anything. There are so many times when we think life fails us or when it isn't worth fighting for. Many for me . That's how normal people work ,.he is not spider man , that's how he works too. But by some luck , fortunately or unfortunately , we didn't perish. We are still here and we even feel greatful for it sometimes. We don't know how he is , but we don't know anything enough to worry about the worst. Let's not worry until we have to yeah ? And Nahoa , if there is one thing i know about you , then it is that you are a synonym of stable. Even when it's hard and painful, you pull through. Yeah you *** about it like normal people , but unlike most , you always overcome difficulties. Your soulmate , has no sense of what the word means , instead of going together, he decided to go on a solo grief trip for few months. Let's hope he stay safe and when he is back , we can tell him how unfair it was. Well you tell him , I am just going to be angry because I am dramatic 🫂 .
***= complain
@Dirtshine
Nahoa be dramatic to don’t worry 🥲🥲 feel like am actual so messed up and broken is like try so hard overcome things but still always depressed and sad all time
yesterday cry to mod say why whole world still here if normal feel how nahoa do because what point exist when all us so depressed and tired and want d ie 😭we all suppose suffer forever ? Think cant be true know there is people that ok more then sad
wish was one them
We look at the world through different glasses, I guess. I am one of those people who look around and feel everyone except me is doing well. It's different at cups, though - here, people are honest, and we see everyone can be sad and depressed. From here, it feels like we're all struggling in our own ways. Theat the world is tired and wants to give up. But in this very *** existence, we also end up finding moments of joy, love, and connection that make life worth living.
It's like a very badly designed game of hide and seek. We find some happiness, then keep searching for a long while until we find the next. But nobody thinks of boycotting the game just because it's hard, right? Kids still play hide and seek . That might be why others try finding ways to keep going. That's why I try most days. It's hard, but it's fun when we come across something good. So, people try not to stop. And on the worst days, I'll throw all this positivity out the window and sulk to my heart's content. I can't say I am a very good company, but if you need one on your boycott days , i can barged in if you like.
@Dirtshine
Dirt 😭is so easy to me see why alex like talk to you so much idk how even explain it besides like you and him souls got same energy or vibes or whatever want call it
you know before nahoa jealous think you going steal my best friend 🥲 and one time got mad alex not talk me but know was talk to you and can’t remember all what alex say to me when i was be all stupid but feel so bad after because realize nahoa be stupid jerk should be glad he got friend like you 😭 really am glad btw after that all happen realize nahoa be jealous my own problem never wanted make Alex feel bad about have friend that get him and that be there for him ever again
Idk why feel like needed tell you that and maybe that something not suppose tell people idk is to much rules about stuff OK tell people and NOT OK tell people mostly give up try figure out all this rules in hearing world normal brain world 🥹🥹
@theboymoana
(Dang that tag went without taking my message along with it , because ur tag is lazy . )
Being all possesive and protective about whom u care about is like friendship goals for most people , like pintrest grade friendship goals ! It brings in disagreements but its feels nice to fight someone who is angry about me not talking to them , don't u think ? If it was me , in long run , I will feel content and probably even a little lucky .
@Dirtshine
Think im to honest because people all time get mad things nahoa say 🥲 just don’t get how suppose just know what truth ok say and what truth suppose not say
why not ok say just what person mean ?? But people just get mad not explain so never learn why not ok or why offend people
like use get so annoy people come chat cups just be all Am SOOO Bored 😩😩😩 not understand why not do something then but some one FINAL one day explain say people tell someone im bored actual means like they lonely want someone talk to want do something with friend want help find something do
so now not so annoying see people say that but how suppose know that what people mean say IM BORED 😐😐
communication confusing alex never mad me accidentally say something rude just explain to me 😢 people not even give chance see how kind and patient and good he am
@theboymoana ,
Hi hi , sorry for replying late , this week had been super busy.
I once called him something offensive by accident. I didn't know it was rude or offensive. Aaand I wasn't getting how it was offensive or rude either. It took him some patience of a saint to make me understand why . I really miss him .
Now I can only speak for myself. I find it easier to say I am free than say I am lonely to most people , because saying so makes me feel vulnerable. I think it's okay to say that at cups , because ppl mostly dont make rude jokes about it here . But in general , people are mean sometimes , so i avoid saying vulnerable stuff , like one avoids spilling coffee on their shorts .
But yes , we should be open about other stuff if it isn't too much out of our comfort zone. It's easier to deal with than sugar coated mess .
How has ur week been ? Good ? masterpiece mess ?
@theboymoana , you are missing , are you sad , like bad day stuff? 
@Dirtshine
hugs😭💛am sorry not reply before been struggling bad idk how be ok and so frustrated lately people just don’t listen feel like do not matter 😭😭😭miss alex so much and one my favorite mods leave and in like month be 1 year since find out someone nahoa love so much here died
every thing hurts 😭😢😢😢
@Dirtshine
Don’t want try anymore can’t do it dirt am tired 😭
@theboymoana , what happened?