New here..anxiety/depression/relationship

Hi. I don’t even really under stand how this works. I tried reaching out to a listener, but that was hours ago. I need some therapy for sure. I am 51, boyfriend of 2 years is 52. On March 1 I took him to the emergency room because it turns out he was having a stroke. That in itself is crazy, he’s healthy, marathon runner etc. well things got bad, but slightly better he’s in rehab and doing well but can’t communicate. Since helping him through this, I have learned that he has talked to other women, he has has sex with out her women, on Ashley Madison, meet ups, etc. I found it in his phone as I trying to find passwords and things to help him and help his sister get his affairs together. I can’t discuss with him because he can’t communicate. I LOVE him. He is my person, he has said the same. I don’t want to end the relationship but I don’t know how to manage my emotions and anxiety and bad yak to myself during this. I also have a unique perspective and almost empathy because I know he suffers from depression, recovering alcoholic and he lost his business to covid and has had to start over with a new career which isn’t easy at 52. My unique perspective is that I was a cheater in a past relationship. My marriage ended because of my behavior. I have deep shame, and have also done a lot of work to work through and understand why I did what I did. I had undiagnosed post partum after my second child, ex husband told me to “suck it up” as I was begging for help. I never got help. I shut down. Almost fractured my personality so to speak. I’m sad because I don’t have aome

memories of my kids childhood because I was so disassociated from life. I acted out, I had affairs, I was on sites for affairs. I was so broken. I identify with where my boyfriend is right now…and I guess that is why I’m not totally flipped out. But this is so much to deal with. My logical brain and my emotions are having a war. My logical brain is he is clinically depressed, doing anything to feel and fill the holes and also going back to addict behavior. I need to know how to deal

with this as he is working on his speech and getting better…but I want him to focus on getting better (he has 2 teenage boys) his priority is getting well. But my mental health that I have worked so hard on…has taken a HUGE hit. If you’re still with me…thank you for reading.