Im an incel. I beg you, help me, i dont have money for therapy thats why im here.
Hello. I am 27 years old, as far as i can remember i was nerd, in general - an asocial person. At some point, i went to university in another country, moved, even made friends, but thoughts about relationships and the fact that i still haven’t known intimacy with a girl began at some point to simply swallow me whole (under intimacy i mean not only and not so much sex), i started trying to get acquainted - nothing came of it, on dating sites such as Tinder, etc. did not receive mutual sympathy at all. I already guessed that looks play the most important role in relationships, but after reading the philosophy of the incels, so called "blackpill" i became even more convinced of this, but i want to say right away - i did not become a misogynist, i do not share their ideas that women owe me something, the only thing i have adopted from this ideology is the hierarchy. Handsome guys get beautiful girls - it's completely fair, this is how life works, the only problem is that despite the fact that i lost the genetic lottery by being born an ugly, short (5'5), lop-eared goblin, i also like beautiful girls. Not models from instagram, but above avarage, especially blondes, i am obsessed with blondes. 2 years ago i lost my mother, the only person i have is my 80 year old father. I need help because i can't get the thoughts about girls out of my head, the last months i can't think of anything, I stopped enjoying what i used enjoy, i stopped working, studying, going to the gym, it comes down to to the point that when walking down the street i turn away from the girls so i cant see them at all. Not because i hate them, i repeat, but because when i see them, i feel sad, from the realization that i am a genetic trash unworthy of girl i like. I dont believe in Hollywood fairytales, where the nerd gets the girl he likes, im realistic, i understnd that im invincible to them, because im not on that level and i dont blame anybody for this but maybe God, if he exists and put me in this body, but not girls, if i were a girl, i woudnt pay attention to a guy like me either. I just want to be clear that im not a maniac, rapist, mysoginist or smth. i really need help. I cry almost every day, i'm afraid that i can commit suicide, but i don't want to. I love my father, i don't want to hurt him like that. Are there any ways to become asexual, to forget about women, to suppress the desire for intimacy? Is there anything that can make me go back to being a nerd at least, to enjoy reading books, watching movies, TV shows again? Is there anything in the world that can stop this pain, envy that devours me from the inside, this pain sometimes becomes physical in the heart (maybe its just my imagination, i dont know) except for suicide? I practice NoFap, i have been practicing it for 41 days already, i do not masturbate or watch anything that could turn me on, but there are no results yet. Help me please. Does someone feel like me, how do you deal with that? What can i do to at least reduce the pain? Im sorry if all of this looks like a huge whine, i understand that nobody has empathy for whiners, but i just had to get it out of my chest and ask for help. There is nothing i can do in that agony but this.
@honestCar1332
Sorry to hear you're in such a pained state, people in the world are unfortunately not always attuned to these kinds of issues and the impact they have. It really doesn't help if men have an expectation to never be able to ask for help or complain what are really difficult issues for them.
Honestly though, one of the best things you can do right now? Is leave those incel communities. It can be comforting to see people in similar situations who understand you, but the truth is none of that stuff is helpful in any way, at all. You haven't lost a 'genetic lottery', the tried and true method if you're really bothered about just 'getting with someone' is ask out a thousand girls and one of them will say yes. But relationships are commitments which go far beyond having someone to be intimate with or give you what you want. It starts with you, understanding and accepting yourself as you are and working on what you can. It sounds like you have a lot else going on and these sorts of ideas give some 'answers' for you - but I promise it is not grounded in reality. You'll likely find the only people who care if you're a virgin, judge people's worth solely on looks and believe that this is the be all and end all of life...are other 'incels'.
There is also absolutely nothing wrong with asking for help when you need or being honest about who you are and how you feel. It sounds cliche but it's the truth.
The honest truth is that looks do matter.
personality comes second. (Confidence)
Im a 29yr old male model that used to be unattractive and I can tell you that when you improve your looks in all aspects of your image, (body fat, hair, smile) you do get more attention from women.
A lot say personality matters which is true, but not after when the first 5 secs of looking at you to even consider your personality.
Work on your looks first.
Get Fit by lowering your body fat and building some muscle
If balding or receding hairline is causing some confidence.
Get with a Dermatologist and get on Finasteride (Propecia), Rogaine, Dermaneedling. And if it’s too late to fix your hair. Get into a Hair System.
Whiten up your teeth and learn to smile.
All of this in time will help you with Selflove and self care about yourself which will boost your confidence when everything is coming together.
after this only then your PERSONALITY will be able to be given a chance.
your looks is the door to your personality.