One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}

.....is that I was molested once when I was child (7 or 8 years old I think) by an older female cousin. At that time I don't know what we were doing and I buried that event at the back of my mind thinking that what we did is nothing out of ordinary. As I grew older and learn about sex, I can't get it out of my mind.

P.s. I'm a girl

I'm scared I will never get better

that I never wanted to have sex with anyone after being sexually assaulted. I spent weeks of being afraid of strangers and guy friends. But then I moved on to feeling dirty and hopeless and worthless. So I hurt myself. By giving my body away. Because I couldn't take care of it in the first place. Because I didn't defend it when I should have.

One thing I never tell anyone is that I always strive to help others even at my own expense because I can't help myself but I can at least help them.

That my dream is to be free, to be able to do what normal people do and what I want to do, without fear, without mental barriers.

I have never told how I feel like giving up on my life each day but instead smile and help other people out.

I never told anyone about how my dad was undiagnosed bipolar and that I could possibly be bipolar as well. Months before he took his life, I told him how I almost took my own. Closer to his day, he slapped me and nearly choked me because I talked back to him. He never apologized but instead bought me a red camera I've always wanted. I hardly use the camera these days because the color reminds me of the blood he spilt.

That I don't like the person I am and I have no idea why. I don't think I'm awful, I just dislike myself for whatever reason.

I've fallen in love twice, once with a boy who I was with for a few months. Another with my best friend, the most beautiful girl I've ever met. But she has been with my other guy best friend for over a year now...yeah. And I love them together I do. But I can't help how I feel. I've never said anything and I never will because I'm not important in this situation, she is. They both are, they're my favourite people in the world, hence why it's killing me and I can never tell anyone. Just something I have to suck up and get over.

I can feel sounds, and it's truly uncomfortable.