One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}
Just... blurt it out! Don't be nervous! Make your secrets not so secret....
So much has happened to me that I'm so confused that I honestly don't know what I want anymore. To go or to stay. To live or to die. To be together or alone. And that scares me. I have no control at all anymore even of what I want. Do I want to hurt myself or do I want to get better? I don't know. I'm in constant limbo. That's how bad my life has gotten. I can't chose anymore. So I sleep. 12 hrs 24 hs 2 days. However long I can til I have to do an errand that can't wait.
@Laura i really regret ever being born
That I'm not nearly as perfect as I've made everyone believe I am.... come time to graduate the cats gonna be out of the bag
I moved so much as a kid that I went to 8 schools in 12 years. It got to the point, that I never made friends because I wasn't going to be around long enough anyway. But now, I have no idea how to be a friend. It feels really really weird to call someone and ask if they want to go to lunch. I have no idea how to chit chat, so I tend to talk during all the slight breaks in conversation. I actually have to tell myself to stop talking or ask them a question. The whole time I am a bundle of anxiety and the other person has no idea what is going on and seems to be having a great time. I find all of this exhausting, and it's just easier not to deal with friendships.
I'm demisexual and I have self injury problems.
one thing I never told anyone about is,
I've been strong way too long, this time right now, i need protection.. I want to feel safe..
I started cutting myself early this year and haven't stopped. I think it's getting worse. I know it's getting worse.
No one would ever guess.
I want to try to get help, but it's hard to take that step. I'm trying. It's been hard even to post this to strangers online. I've almost deleted it several times and rewrote it several more.
@rustlingtrees that's really hard to deal with. If you wanna talk to me, you can
@SamanthaLikesHats
Thanks Samantha. Appreciate it
@rustlingtrees it is an addictive behavior because it works so well for what one needs. For me self harm is a great way to reduce stress quick, to as level where I can finally think and problem solve. Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating self harm, as I have/am learning of semi good alternatives to self harm. I hate when people say there are alternatives to self harm and then are never able to list any when asked, so here are some alternatives;
1) prevention; I self harm when I am panicked. So to control my stress I increased my exercise, i work out three times as week to control my stress, I self harm a lot less after doing that.
2) self talk, a very difficult one, that requires work, but not impossible. When you self harm write down what's going on in your head, so that later when you are feeling better, you can address those thoughts. E.g. I self harm because one thought is this is too much I can't handle all this,, so what I wrote down was, I have been through this and survived already, this too shall pass, evidence from others who have said I do great work ( sometimes I self harm because I feel useless). I have a notebook filled with these rebuttals. Several for each common thought. Try reading these when you self harm, some will sound believeable at that moment, others will sounds stupid. So later when you are well and not self harming, keep the ones that worked, cross out the ones that don't and make new ones. Over time, you'll find good self talk, and it will reduce the number times you do this.
Hope that helps, feel free to message me of you need help with this process or want to bounce ideas off of me.
Take care
@reservedexcitment
Thanks for writing out this detailed response. I hadn't heard of the self talk thing before, so that's a good thing to know. Glad to say, I reached out and made an appointment with a counselor for next week. Hopefully, that'll help me out.
I am trans...
I fell lonely all the time I walk the halls at school everyone points and laughs at me I don't know what I did to them it kills me inside my parents don't understand how hard it is for me to wake up and go to school
@JTzanger I've been bullied too, the same feelings have happened to me, and it was deeply painful, whent from an A student to getting D's. I never even told my parents when this happened to me, I was in grade 5 and then again it happened in grade 8. Chances are it will not happen the following school year, as things change.
Sometimes telling the right teacher can help, they can't nessarily make the kids be nice but they can listen, and sometimes getting it out and talking face to face with someone that cares can heal. They, the teacher, also might be your friend, and invite you to help them out at recess or break, not always the ideal friend, but at least it's someone that cares and could provide a new way of seeing things.
Also, make friends outside of school, with people who are actually worth making friends with, people that deserve your company. Where might you find these people? Neighbours, community center, library. You're parents may not be good with knowing how to support you emotionally, after all they are human too and not perfect, we all are good at some things and not everything, but your parents might be good at driving you to the library, community center or enrol you in a club ( e.g soccer, art class, board game club, etc).
This one is more of a personal thing, as I do believe in God, so I prayed and asked for a better outcome, and it so happened the very next year. I think grade 6 was one of my best years in my life. University was also a high point.
Plus, I would love to be your friend too, :) I'm sure there are peopleon here too. But try making Friends you can meet face to face as real time laughing is great.
I'm here if you need me. Big hugs!
I've accepted the fact that I will die alone.
