One thing I have never told anyone is....[finish this sentence}
Just... blurt it out! Don't be nervous! Make your secrets not so secret....
I am very over protective of everything that I do, because when i was yoounger I always got in trouble for anything that I did. Even in school, others would start something and I would be close and somehow I always got in trouble.
I came in a one night stand and feel like she was lying when she said she was on the pill :/
that i would love to be a more girly girl im kind of a lazy girl and i would love to wear makeup and do my hair and wear clothes that suited me better instead of hidding
My marrige was a mistake
It's a complicated story that started in Apr/May 2016:
I went home one evening and saw a man on the way home. He told me if i were interested in going to a place of worship because someone BIG is going there that day and that time and it would be an honour to meet that someone BIG. I decided to follow that man as I just read about that religion and wanted to learn more about it.
I went to the religion's (not naming the religion) division called (shall not name here) 'xxxxx', and there they told me they could tell me where the door of our soul was. They said that everyone only knows where the windows of the soul is (eyes), but a chosen few know where the door is. They also told me I could say a few words and then all my problems/fears will go away after some time.
Apparently to get all the benefits of what they have told me, I had to repeat after them. After a while i realised i was saying something horrible. It turned out I had promised (a) god to follow the paths of that religion and keep whatever secrets of the religion they had told me a secret (never writing down/telling others about it) or i will be cursed and damned and so will the people i interact with. I wanted to stop but everyone seemed expected me to continue so i didnt dare to stop. Afterall I was alone and was afraid of something bad to happen to me.
So after repeating after them, they told me some secrets of that religion. I went home deciding not to follow that religion, nor take my promises to that god seriously. But I did decide to keep those secrets a secret.
The next day, weird things began to happen. My neighbour used charcoal to cook things and almost set his house on fire. The fire engine had to come to make sure all that smoke wasnt something terrible happening. Something happened at my grandparent's place too although everything that happened that day was a false alarm. This is the first time I have experienced these things happening.
That week, small weird stuff happened too...
A month later, my family member was diagnosed with cancer. A week after that discovery, another family member was diagnosed with cancer. 2 weeks after the latter, another family member's blood pressure went beyond 260 and couldnt lower down no matter how hard the doctors tried. In the same week, my manager's mother is hospitalised and almost died. The next week after my manager's mother is hospitalised, my colleagues mother was hospitalised with a very serious condition, and she had to take an entire week off next week to visit her. The day after I knew of my colleague's mother being hospitalised, my friend's mother was diagnosed with cancer.
I'm really worried. Are these just coincidences or is it all my fault because of the weird promises i made in that religious place of worship on that fateful day? Or is this just a bad time for most people in their lives now? So that man who brought bad news into my life came because this is just a period of a bad suffering time in my life?
IF, its really my fault, what should I do right now? I dont want the people around me to get hurt anymore. I want all false alarms and illnesses to STOP. I am overwhelmed with guilt but am too afraid to tell anyone cause i dont want anyone to get paranoid because of this stupid incident. The people around me are all not very strong in religion so they lack knowledge to deal with religious taboos things. Help me please... :'[
@JenniferW
I don't think any of it is your fault. Sometimes things happen and we have bad years. I had a year with multiple deaths, illnesses, worsening of cancers, etc. etc. etc. of those I knew. It's not your fault. *hugs*
@intelligentString
thanks so much! i feel so much better now! yeah i guess maybe its just a bad year for me, including the weird and bad event that started off the chain of bad events. thanks for offering me a new perspective! :)
@JenniferW
Glad I could provide a new perspective for you. I hope all of the struggles you are having clear up soon. *hugs* You'll get through it!
@intelligentString
yup things are getting better now. the people who have cancer miraculously recovered! thanks for the hugs! *hugs back*
you sound like a typical wonderful listener on 7cups... i wonder if you are a listener here? :)
@JenniferW
No, not yet. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I should probably just do it haha. :) Thanks so much for the vote of confidence though! I'm really glad that people are getting better too. *hugs*
@intelligentString
you should go with your gut feeling! :) no problem, i was just stating my honest opinion. :)
thanks for your encouragement! well, actually i really like it when you say *hugs*! I usually dislike it when people say that cause im not a touchy-feely person but yeah i like it when you say it! I guess you're one of the few people i wont mind hugging! hehe *hugs back* again! :D
@JenniferW
You just made my day! ^_^
@intelligentString
I'm certainly glad I did! ;)
One thing I have never told anyone is that I cry myself to sleep every single day.
The problems I face, the insecurities, the constant emptiness :/
I'm sad
I'm an Insomniac and I won't sleep unless I have someone near me.
I have a hard time letting go of the people that are not good for my life anymore.... I was bullied constantly when I was younger and that led to self esteem issues and social anxiety.... I can't just get rid of those that make me feel like crud... Because it's always been so hard to make friends in the first place