One thing on my mind right now is......

im wondering if i have strep throat. it's been hurting all day (since last night actually) and it's hard to drink or eat anything. heck it hurts to talk too. i just hope it isnt anything too serious, i want to talk to my friends using my voice

One thing on my mind now is the message I recently sent. There's a part of me that feels remorseful...because maybe it was too honest...blunt...stemming more out of anger, envy, vindictiveness....than what I actually mean. I don't know why I sent, I mean I'm not exactly sure. I know sent it because I want him to know we should matter and he makes me feel like we don't. Or at the very least, our son doesn't. There's a part of me that now realizes that I sent the message because I wanted to be honest but to know we, I, still matter to him. He did call. But that's not good enough, because his words, by phone always feel empty...false hopes. I am awake writing this at midnight instead of sleeping because, I feel remorse for being mean. At the same time, I feel like there is the thing, this burden of hoping....false hope... I don't have to do anymore. Yet, questions still remain...I still feel a little more at ease? A little easier to breathe? A little more ready to sleep...without being burdened by thoughts and disappointments.

I can

Baby Momma Drama. I hate it. It doesn't matter if a man pays child support and is physically, and emotionally there for his children he is still the bad guy. It's not fair to the dad or the kids. I feel bad for the kids because they get caught in the middle.

How to make money?

How to deal with crumbling social life?

Plus, random rubbish about food.

I am thinking about how 2018 is going to be the best! I am going to push myself, love hard, and everything is going to work out in due time!

The one thing I have on my mind is an I going to spend forever alone? My family dont get along with me, my friends are all in relationships and having babies, my mum lives a plane journey away and no man Iv ever met wants a relationship with me! Iv been in so many situations over the past 3 years where I have had feelings for guys that I have been dating but as soon as anything starts to get serious they stop talking to me or keep blowing me off to a point where we dont see each other for way too long and then they just leave?!? Makes me feel like no one wants me and that Im just not good enough? Maybe theres something wrong with me all my friends say theyre not worth you but its been 3 years! I need some one to help me!

You know who you are, shout out to my friend Damon I miss you thinking about you, also music etc...

Throughout the day, I try hard and do things which help me to become happier, at night I feel so low and don't want to get through this, I want to be like this forever crying every night, it is who I am and when I see happy people content I don't understand it, why don't I want to get over this, why am I so happy to be sad?

How I have a tendency to push people away and I dont know how to change that