One thing on my mind right now is......

I will not stop trying loving myself,never.And I will help as many people as I can!

Why can't I just get my life together ?

@Laura How nothing is going right in my life

sadness of my loneliness and isolation... disappointment that reminds me of how insurmountable the barrier feels to ever finding real love. My life is a festering garbage dump of sterile emptiness. there are no dynamics, no variables at present to even play around with. i need to get my shit together. i need to get back up on my feet and be able to support myself again. somehow get back in the game of this perpetual struggle called life. i cant figure it out. i feel like an alien out of place. i hate how overwhelmed i feel by the teeming masses of life out there, the bustling ferment of humanity where those who know how to play the game can figure out how to independently survive and even thrive. shit i dont know what im gonna do. hopefully life picks up some momentum soon. i need to reinvent the whole damn thing right now.

How much I hate school

PEACE & self-awarness.

I lost an important old photograph of my family. I was in a bad mood and just keep making mistakes. I cant get out of this bad mood and I feel so guilty and bad about my mistake.

I am stressing about getting out there. I have agoraphobia, meaning it is debilitating to try to go outside, at all. I haven't left my house in 6 months.

I have a bucket list concert to go to in 19 days. Oh god.

That I have to study for an exam. I have alot of time but is better to start early so I don't get anxious :)

I really want a boyfriend. And not just because everyone else has one but because i actually want one. I want someone to spoil and to talk to and someone to do the same for me. I've had the chance to get a boyfriend in the past but i always mess it up. I've also never had my first kiss and im hopeless romantic and im also a really romantic person. I really hope i get a boyfriend sometime in the new year.