One thing on my mind right now is......

My job that is killing me

University work!

One thing on my mind right now- Sometimes those that beg for love and act starving for it are actually the perpetrators of their own loss of that love when what they truly desire finally arrives. I will never forget the pain of opening my closed heart to someone that pushed it open out of their own hunger and begged me for it, only to turn it into ash because of a simple physical flaw that could be changed. What a pity.

I have a boyfriend but I feel closer to my guy friends than I do him because they know me and have been by my side for years but I feel like my boyfriend and I live in the moment with each other and he likes to stay in the present and not talk about the past.

Feeling of not being good enough for your friends and family

I am abroad and I really missed being in my home country Germany around Christmas as Christmas in Europe is very, very special. A very kind family sent me a package that arrived today. It contains a lot of Christmas goodies like chocolate, other sweets etc. I am really touched but then my happiness only lasts for a short time, which is frustrating.

I wonder why nothing really makes me happy.

After 17 years I got back with my first love(r). Since it's a looong-distance relationship I haven't seen him yet but we arranged to meet again soon and it's so crazy! I still find it hard to believe that we're going to be together again. And on a personal note I'm thrilled to have a s** life again. Can't wait to do it again.

...how seriously dry I feel, spiritually speaking.

Him 😔

That Im deathly sick and I have to go to work at 7 am and its 9:30 pm. My ears hurt, my head hurts, my cough is so bad, Im vomiting. I can barely breathe, Im coughing up green stuff, I literally feel like Im dying.. yet I cant stop smoking. Oh my god. Im only 34. When did this become my life? Why didnt my parents stop smoking when I begged them to when I was 6, or 13, or 18? Im so screwed. The antibiotics didnt work 3 weeks ago. How am I going to go to work tomorrow? Also- theres a blizzard outside...