Today I am angry because....

I'm so disappointed. Always disappointed. Now i'm pushing everyone away because i dont need anybody anymore. I want to be alone.

Today I am angry because yesterday I was refused the treatment that would make me well enough to go to school when it starts in a couple of weeks

I'm angry because I can't find the happy medium of pleasing others while knowing and loving myself.

I am angry at myself because of what I have done in the past months. This was so long ago and it still yet haunts me. I broke up with my boyfriend to find my true identity, to be able to finally hang out with my friends because I felt controlled. But my boyfriend thought that I was leaving him for someone else and told all his friends and the whole class. It wasn't true. I didn't leave him for someone else. Everybody seemed to believe him because in every high school class, there is always a popular group and he was in that group. He was popular. Everyone believed him and I was the outcast or the student that just goes to school, hangs with her friends and go home to do her homework. I didn't have a voice and everybody was out to get me. I didn't tell any of my friends because I felt like they would see me as weak. They were so happy when I told them that I broke up with my boyfriend and just to tell them that I am depressed about it just scares me cause I don't want to show them that I regretted my decision.

None of the guys in my class would talk to me, most of them talk behind my back and spread towards the girls. It was depressing and I just felt bullied. I went over to my boyfriend to ask him to stop with all of the hate, that I am starting to hate going to school, not doing my homework and etc. But that resulted in me breaking down, causing a scene in front of his friends and everyone and me being sent to the counsellor's office. I was even getting attacked on social media. On Instagram, my follower's count went down. Apparently mostly everyone in my class was unfollowing me, as well as on Snapchat. They were all unfriending me. Half of my streaks were all gone because all of my boyfriend's friends and the girls that are associated with them were the people that I would streak with. I became suicidal because my boyfriend would constantly remind me that nobody likes me and that I should regret everything, that I will never ever be happy again. He even threatened that his friend's and that other people from other schools want to jump me and shootout at my house. I was scared and didn't want to go to school anymore or talk to anyone. I was so confused. I wanted to break up with my boyfriend to find myself as a woman, but it ended up being a total mess that I cheated on him, which I didn't! Now school has ended and I finished with almost straight A's but 30+ absents on my record. My counsellor told me that high school is short and that all of the people that I am with won't be with me in the future.

From there on, I just don't care about what people think of me and went with my day. It's been weeks since I have had this mindset and I have been doing just fine. But my friends want to know the truth and I was glad to tell them everything, so I did. But my friend said this one phrase that has been bothering me soo much recently and it hurts...

"Kayla, everybody has so much against you. I've heard so many crazy stories and people are angry. How can we back you up when we don't know what is happening." - Best Friend.

And this phrase struck to me the most. "Everybody has so much against you"

What is it that they have against me? Humiliating me, making me look crazy? I did nothing, but nobody believes me and I am afraid to come back to school in September.

I think the reason why I am able to handle all of this so well is cause school is not in session and I don't see any of their faces. But how can I handle this problem when school does start. Being at the counselling office shows people that I'm wack, that I'm crazy and mental. I need help, this is eating me...

Exo still don't have a comeback 😂

Because I feel worthless .

because i keep doing stupid things

Today Im angry because my friend blocked me on social media

I have a bachelors degree and work a minimum wage job

I have cried for no reason