Because this has been the first happy day of the year & im confused
I miss my ex. Not in the good or classic way I guess.
Because I miss my late husband. Because I cannot arrange my life without him. It hurts. I had to leave my office today. Just another sad day.
I tried to ask my boyfriend for help (I have a terrible sense of pride and a fear of pushing people away). He acted like he was interested, but played Xbox for 7 hours with no response and I was scared of myself.
I ran into my childhood best friend the other day. seems she'll be spending time at my favorite coffee shop now. she is the source of a lot of my guilt and self-flagellation. I made her cry a lot.
she was awkward and nervous and minimizing, and my first thought was, "you're like this because of me."
but she also said "bestfriend," like all the mean shit didn't happen, or didn't count.
I have no idea how to interact with her. and my deer-in-the-headlights look intimidates people; they think I'm pissed.
it occurs to me for the first time that perhaps I should forgive my younger self, as she was just as defenseless a child as the girl was. she couldn't identify or address her emotional needs on her own, and she was a product of her environment.
The girl, or woman, now, I suppose, wasn't even mad. she wasn't accusatory.
maybe I didn't fuck up as bad as I thought I did.
but she kept apologizing for interacting with me.
I don't know.
My anxiety is killing me
This is what my overthinking, over-emotional mind has to say: "because why not?"
I'm feeling sorry for myself and taking everything personally
I have nobody to talk to
@MoneyCantBuyHappinessSGSFKP sometimes a stranger to talk to can be more than a someone to talk to :) all of us are here to support you :)
@Couragethecowardly20 stop lying you dont wanna talk to me either anyways tho.
@MoneyCantBuyHappinessSGSFKP I will if you'd like to talk to me.
We are always here to listen!